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Broken Cries

Deceived in carnality

eyes of of evil portent
Craving stainless
snow white pearls
Cold steel blade
taken blood
lips pale trembling

screams of terror muffuled
deflowering capture

left for death
deed done

Legs collapse

under weaken soul
crimson blood drips
collects on white
snow covered ground

broken cries softy echos

through woods and swaying trees

played in  innocents

remembering mere childhood

Valiant warrior responds

faint whimpers of the maiden
recovers the sweetest
alabaster vessel
warmed by gentle embrace

prince like kisses upon
tear streaked eyes
turns lips to rose petals of red
safe under blanketed
charitable grace

forever empower by

dovoted love of a

Merciful warrior

 
















 

Author notes

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3W9nAACkKas

This song touched a bad memory of rape in my past but I know now that because of love given freely i no longer am the victim but i have survived so i twisted this song alittle .

In a list

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 8 of 8

  • TheGangstress
    June 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I like it, but it just didn't strike a chord with me. It was a wonderful piece and the imagery was great, but it didn't really...catch me. It needs a hook of some kind, in my opinion.

    Next, I'm pretty sure "muffuled" should be "muffled" and I think there is an accidental double-space in "played in innocents." I'm not going to dock you any points for 2 errors though, so don't worry about that. Just letting you know!

    Thank you for entering my contest and following all the rules. I wish you the best of luck.


  • N e a r
    April 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I love this piece. This is brilliant in both vivid visual aid & the emotions that the reader determines from your words. My absolutely favorite part was the beginning stanza. A great opener ~ definitely hooked me into the poem. Just the way you wrote this.. chills me. Shivers run down my spine. Great work.
    Thanks for your entry.


  • InMyFlames
    January 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    i love this entry, very well done. it has a HUGE amount of emotion in it, keep up writing its a great way to vent the pain of something like this happening.

  • nightlover
    January 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    very sad, a trauma that will last and last. wish a hug I may share with you, comforting you in your time of duress. I send you love`s greetings, with hugs, and another day tomorrow may be better


  • Tarja
    January 2, 2008
    Edit | Reply

  • Liquid memories
    January 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Tis a sad song as well as sad write. what a terrible thing that happened to you, though ago, still lingers on. I almost killed a neighbor,bacause he was trying to rape my sister,she was 14, and I was 9. would have killed him for sure if he had not run. it should happen to all would be rapist. it destroys who you are, violate your person. terrible wrong. IO am sorry the memories still ligers for you.

  • Tarja
    September 6, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Oh wow... I think that if Tuomas read this he would be blown away with what you've done! you are truly gifted with words. This was just amazing. You had me from the first line and with each word I wanted another... you really know how to please the reader. I'm sorry for your experience but it's good to know that you are back on your feet. Thank you for entering and good luck.
    Tarja


  • Cerulean Sunrise gold member
    September 5, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Was dark in the beginning.
    Nice take on the prompt.
    Be Well

    Mark

1 - 8 of 8