Dark thoughts seem to creep up in your mind,
the bad things always just seem to bind.
You think of things and of what they once were,
and how he suddenly left and went after her.
Everything good that you once had,
has disappeared along with your dad.
But things will get better, just wait and see,
I promise and soon, you'll agree.
Be patient, and wait the time will come,
when everything changes and will become.
Whatever you've wanted for all your life,
the pain will leave and so will the strife.
Your hurt will be gone, and so will the scars,
just think of the music you make on guitar.
Play those notes, like never before,
and you feel slightly better and life's not a chore.
But if things will get better, then why must you wait?
You feel like life's ending, and love seems to equate,
to everyone and everything bad in the world,
there's a lot of bad things that seem to unfurl.
If there was a time when things were good,
it was when your parents loved each other, just as they should.
When your boyfriend loved you more than life itself,
but things don't last forever, this I can tell you myself.
If life was fair, then no one would learn,
from mistakes past made, and there'd be no concern.
With everything bad that comes into this life,
erupts something good, just let go of the knife.
The pain will leave and hearts will mend,
just be patient, don't hope for the end.
The sun will come out, the tears will dry,
let go of the pain, but don't say good-bye.
Author notes
"Whats meant to be will always find its way"
A contest entry
- I Love Him, I Love Him Not......♥ Ends REALLY Soon...So Hurry In!! by xCandieKissesx.
450 points, ended September 10, 2007, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
KUDOS!! give me KUDOS!!
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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Holy crap, this is really well written, and very good.
It is so true, if people would just relize that life is always full of pain, and they just need to be patient.
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thanx for commenting
and ur right; people just need to wait and be patient. this poem was based off of karma and its ups and downs
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Aww!! This poem fit the quote beautifully. Its a sad and tragic love but its so much more. I definately saw the passion and raw emotion deep down. Great job! Good luck in the contest!!
Jackie ♥ -
ummm..... soo..... really its not so hopeless you just REALLY need to edit..... so starting with the first little stanza thing..... disappeared along with your dad????? uhhh...... no....... and the very last line of that stanza sounds awkward cuz you need one more syllable so if you changed it to i promise and soon, you will agree it would sound beter..... lets see.... so the second stanza... the second line when everything changes and will become??? uhh..... no... and then the rest is all whatever you've wanted for all your life the pain willl end so will the strife..... that is such an untrue statement and seriously...... i mean i like the idea of the rainbow after the storm kinda thing you have going but the guitar thing so just throws me... and scars dont go away those are the things that stick with you so when you see the rainbow you remember what you had to go through to get it and it makes it so much more meaningful.... scars remind us about our past hun... they never go away... and yes i just called you hun.... and back to the whole guitar thing, if you must have it in there... then it might sound better if instead of play those notes like never before you could have somethin like feel the music like never before...... thats just me though...... the last line second stanza is good though. The third stanza is great almost perfect theres something in there i cant quite put my finger on but it is really good. i really like where your going at the beginning of the last stanza until it says put down the knife.... that part is really really gay...... so i dunno how but you should really change it... and the next line, i promise you this, and the line after that wait for the bliss, i think you should use a different rhyme there like well this isnt as good as it could be but like things will change and hearts will mend just be patient dont hope for the end.... or something cuz it is just not working..... or maybe if you change the word bliss and that phrase too it's in the very very last line...... well first you said put away the knife and then you said just say goodbye so if you mean it to say like say goodbye to the pain then say let go of the pain and tell it goodbye..... but that too sounds ugh.... but make it more clear what your saying goodbye too cuz it could change the whole meaning of the poem. i like how you composed your poem and how the rhyme didnt sound so totally forced like it has in the past but i really like how you've made this poem as an idea...... good job and dont critisize my critiquing because you told me to...... its your poem i understand that so if my suggestions totally suck to you then just dont get all defensive just dont go with it k???
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jezus u write fast...idk y but my thing wouldnt tell me that u commented so i wuz like AWWWWW!! and yeah...thanx ill try and change it
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g' job.... i still think you need the extra syllablle in the eighth line...... but i love how you changed the ending it is SO much stronger...
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i meant what i said and i said what i meant. an elephants promise, 100 percent.
srry i wuz thinking that i wrote this cuz i felt rlly bad about something that i cant remember and thats wut came out...
do u ever REMEMBER that Dr.Suess story?? -
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okay now what?????
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dr. suess books wuz AWESOME!!!
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ya umm okay
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u changed ur name and i didnt know u did and that scared me cuz when a random starchick started sommenting in our conversation i just freaked out a lil...
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i think you did a great job on this i mean really it was something and i honestly can't thinkg of anything but that to say, keep it flowing
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i forgot to save it b4 my mom came in and went on her desktop so it aint done yet but thanx for commenting...
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i have completed it!! MWUHAHAHAHA!!!
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