closing
disappearing,
or something like it.
i am heavy
like the circles
you hide
underneath your eyes
with my posture
doing all
of my talking
how is it
that my bones
didnt feel this coming
a half-dead
excuse
for why my whole body
was turning
blue
more blatant
than the breakwater
or the glare
of an open
tongue
i cannot handle
the sun when it breaks
to this day
so give me something
beyond excuses
for the way it is
because i can feel
every splinter
of hope
dripping
out of
me
A contest entry
- children by hilly.
300 points, ended September 14, 2007, 10 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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you will always be alive to me
I'll give you a copy of the lit mag as soon as its published. I'm not sure which of your poems are in there though
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You're first stanza is a killer, not to say that the rest isn't -
it continues, the flow, the emotion, the feeling of resentment almost.
Sublime piece. -
Yeah, I thought this was you. I had to check myself before I noted it in my first comment though. You know, sometimes I just wonder who you are, and what you're really like. Damn online poetry, it always does that to me. I've never had that problem with novels though. I think you can really get a good feel for some one through novels, good and bad stuff. Poetry is different, it's too short and often abstract. It's the abstract poets that intrigue me the most, or the metaphorical ones.
And there's you. You're just a completely different creature. I feel privileged that you entered my contest; I know you don't post every day. I guess that's why it's so exciting when you do.
I want a book of you. -
I like it. I really like it. Thanks for the entry.
I try to give critiques, but sometimes I just don't have anything bad to say.
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