dangling from
the teeth of the lion
almost eaten alive
show me why
i shouldn't let you die
your lies spewed
like sewage from
your open mouth
gaping, inviting
me inside
and in the swirling
whirling oblivion
that was your mind
i got lost
and went down
the whirlpool's drain
at the bottom was
remnants of me
remnants of you
where is the beauty?
you tore me down
and threw me away
to the bottom of
your black hole
of a heart
a mind
and a soul
at the bottom
of the whirlpool's drain.
Author notes
Cadaver Cafe: Special Today- GraveRobber Goulash
A contest entry
- Punching Holes In Hapiness by FakingItForReal.
300 points, ended July 28, 2008, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
-
the words enough to churn in a whirlpool of emotions...
-
This poem desperately needs and deserves more attention than it got.
Proper punctuation and capitalization would really help,
But aside from all that (those things will not effect my final verdict. I'm just saying it wouldn't hurt)
The flow is fairly good, but the whole poem is mediocre at best.
Though, you do deserve props for it not being cliche.
Cliche poetry is always a red flag that means your out. -
I'll tell you what this is: this is amazing. I absolutely adore your word choice, making everything so disgusting and yet so enticing... overall, magnificent. You rock, sis.
-
"and in the swirling
whirling oblivion
that was your mind"
funny how people are eh....
for some reason..I felt a little better when i felt I could apply this to my own life...
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