i am not proud of these scars
like fingernails had broken their way into my skin
or i burnt my ankle on the bars in hell
surely i was let out too soon
the window creaked to say no sorry
and no pitiful act was given
only a non-sympathetic whimper
of how much my life was a disappointment
and a disgrace to the human bloodline
i was taking the sunlight for granted
and with that,
i boarded up the glass with wood
to splinter my eyes
just -
as much as i could
i wanted to pretend my hair was only tangled
so much so you could not see the crown
there was truth in the mirror;
a rotten girl, no princess at all
tears made of solid winter
a heart as heavy as gold
just not worth -
anything at all
i wanted to become
a someone again
i stabbed the moon with my pitch fork fingers
broke the sucker in two
i wanted it to be just like me
unbelievably unbeautiful
and i stopped speaking for we were sharing the same tongue
me, a split
soft core apple, green luscious losing her lustre
me, a split
hard core apple, dark red black lungs
i glanced at the edge of the cliff and whispered
what was said could not be deciphered
carried off into the wind
with two feet only leaving a language
no mind could translate
Author notes
#2 and 7.
Not sure if it'll make you cry and the ending is about my thoughts of suicide lately.
this is the first thing I've written in a while.
A contest entry
- Depressing.... with options by Ntagatf.
500 points, ended September 19, 2007, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
-
Wow. This is so full of amazing lines. Especially this-
"tears made of solid winter" and the whole apple stanza. Absolutely amazing.
It sucks big time that this has to be a personal thing for you.
-
"i am not proud of these scars
like fingernails had broken their way into my skin
or i burnt my ankle on the bars in hell
surely i was let out too soon
the window creaked to say no sorry
and no pitiful act was given
only a non-sympathetic whimper
of how much my life was a disappointment"
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
-wow. great lines. whenever you get to the point in your life when you're contemplating suicide. it's hard to see any light at the end of the tunnel..this was beautifully written. well worded, well phrased, great imagery. you have amazing insight into so many things that everyone can relate to & your poetry is so unique, that what you come up with is always excellent. you are crazy talented, but i think i've said that before. great piece. i'm sorry you're going through a rough time.
-lys
-
Outstanding
This is great and i really enjoyed reading it, its one of the things i was looking for, great job!!! Didnt make me cry but still wonderful write, i can relate to all of this, Thanks for entering my contest and i wish u the best of luck!!! Keep up the great work! -
This is so painstakingly beautiful Laura.
I would love to talk to you again
because I really don't want you to kill yourself.
I'm always on yahoo, msn, and aim if you need me :]
I love you so much. [seriously.]
♥
~Princess of Shadows~ -
What the Hell, woman, this is gorgeous, and heartbreaking. Anyone who has thought of suicide can definitely relate to this, and it's done in a raw, but metaphorical style. The emotion, and imagery flows so well with each other in this piece, it's astounding.
I love the lyrical rhyme you have going on. I think it almost adds to the distraught feeling of the poem, while giving it a harmonic rhythm.
I can't get enough of this stanza:
"i stabbed the moon with my pitch fork fingers
broke the sucker in two
i wanted it to be just like me
unbelievably unbeautiful"
it just screams emotion and melancholy. The originality is there as well.
"with two feet only leaving a language
no mind could translate"
this makes me want to cry, because it reminds me of all the times people's ignorance pushes other people to drastic measures because people don't know how to sympathesize or understand others.
This is an amazing poem, though, I'm sure you already knew that.
-
AHH you're back?! Say oh say you're back, my darling Laura
"i was taking the sunlight for granted
and with that,
i boarded up the glass with wood
to splinter my eyes
just -
as much as i could
i wanted to pretend my hair was only tangled
so much so you could not see the crown"
That part stood out like WHOA to me. For some reason. Though I adore the entire thing. It's amazing as always. How have you been? I hope things are better for you. <3
Adding your comment:
1 - 6 of 6
