Bernini captured it: ecstatic, wreathing
Exultation … exhalation … pain
Severing into heart and core … breathing
Moans unutterable, as if hot veins
Were suddenly transmuted into gold,
Molten ore more richly vibrant than
The golden spear the vision thrust with bold
Diligence thrice into her flesh…again…
And yet again. Sweet agony…fire-
Borne bliss…. Solid marble writhes and gasps,
Grasps in earthly elements a higher
Adoration than bitter breath can rasp:
Not in its surcease could she know true peace,
Nor would she wish such sovereign pain to cease.
Author notes
Bernini's extraordinary statue inspired some of the most intriguing poems of the 17th century, including poetry by the least English of the English metaphysicals, Richard Crashaw.
A contest entry
- Second Image by PhoenixFox.
700 points, ended September 12, 2007, 11 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Allpoetry Book 2: Get Published! by tinuelena.
1050 points, ended November 13, 2007, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - A Chronicle of Art History in Poetry by yukitosumi.
570 points, ended December 28, 2007, 4 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - A selection of style choices. by Aedara-Wren.
1650 points, ended February 26, 7 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
-
This is excellent imagery. i'm getting some really good poetry for this competition. Good luc.
-
Thrilling
A sonnet, hmm? Excellent choice for this piece. Bernini, being as dramatic as he was, would have greatly appreciated the drama this poem holds, I'm sure. I love the too-hot-to-touch imagery--the molten gold, and fire. The poem almost feels sexual, which, admittedly, is very difficult to avoid considering the statue does as well. I thought it was interesting that you chose to not only be inspired by the art itself, but by the inspirations of others as well.
Well done.
-
-
Thank you for the trophy and the contest. I think I've wanted to do a poem on the Bernini statue for years--I taught it in conjunction with several English poets who wrote about St. Teresa and used his image as a visual counterpoint. So I'm glad that AP gave me the excuse. I've hosted a few contests with minimal entries (one had only one entry--fortunately it was a remarkable poem) so can empathize. But I do appreciate the effort that goes into even a single entry. Thank you again.
-
-
I'm not going to judge you on the technical quality of the sonnet, but rather on the technical quality of it as a general poem. The reason for this is because I do not particularly care for sonnets as they are too restrictive in their rules. It's a good thing too since your iambs aren't iambs and your meter is all over the place.
As a poem, I think you truly captured the feeling behind the statue. You precisely described what the artist had in mind when he released it from the marble block. I liked your descriptions of the emotions presented and the last line was perfect. Thanks for entering this!
~Phoenix
-
-
Probably the reason the meter is all over the place and the iamb aren't iambs is that this is a decasyllabic sonnet--ten syllables (more or less) per line but no predominating meter. That makes the form sound more contemporary and fits the emotionalism of Teresa's vision more fully. Thanks for thinking about the structure.
-
-
Exceptional...the way you give movement to a monument and thoughts to the life it imitates. I am not familiar with the story of St Teresa, but now feel I have been given a vision of it. I agree with the elipses; so often I have struggle with bringing the voice alive upon the page and know the limited means of the typed page. You devote these lines to the vision of an artist...something so very hard to relay. But you do this and entwine it with feelings breathed into the creation itself and you do this in a manner that's seamless; breathless; expulsions of ecstasy unleashed upon a page. I did question the comma at the ending line, as if there is more to say
but this too can be a clever device in that it lends to the visual of the bliss extending into silent throes. Blue
-
-
Thanks for the comment. And for noticing the comma, which shouldn't have been there. (Actually, I reversed the last two lines because "peace" sounded trite as a rhyme and ended the poem on the wrong note; then just forgot to adjust the punctuation accordingly.) Paying me back for my obsession with "so"--and I appreciate it.
-
-
I have read this several times, the sonnet suits the message rather nicely. I do not favor all the elipses, but have no alternative recommendations. I finally after the second reading was driven to look at the picture of the statue. The poem holds together nicely and express itself well without pictorial illumination. Good job.
-
-
Thanks for the comment. It is hard to create breathlessness in words, the reason for the ellipses. Dashes would have been more intrusive; long blank spaces would have broken the box-like form sonnets make. So I was left with ellipses.
It was tricky writing this without using overtly sexual imagery, which is what the 17th century poets frequently used. But fun to take the challenge.
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 9 of 9
