I wanted to write a poem for you,
But nothing that I wrote would do.
I wanted to say how beautiful you are,
And tell of how your eyes rival the stars.
I wished to write that I miss your smile,
And that after we talk I want to push redial.
Everyday I'd love to buy you flowers,
Just show that I've had you in mind for hours.
Inside this poem I never wrote,
I'd package heart with little bows.
When I penned such a peice,
I'd read it aloud on one knee.
How am I able to write such a poem,
When you steal away the thoughts I own?
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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damn that is so sweet
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Yayyyyyyy! So romantic and beautiful!
The last line is perfect!
Bravo!
Well done.
Justified Inc.
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awwwwwwwww how sweet!! that person is very very lucky to have you feel this way about them.
somethings are better left to the imagination.
this was amazing!! -
endearing...
Full of authentic sentiment. And just a few to many words. Nothing a minor edit couldn't cure to get it tight, yet still flowing.
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"I wanted to write a poem for you,
But nothing that I wrote would do.
I wanted to say how beautiful you are,
And tell of how your eyes rival the stars.
I wished to write that I miss your smile,
And that after we talk I want to push redial."
this is so good! i love the way you describe how you want to write these things. excellent piece!
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And tell of how your eyes rival the stars.
I love this! It's a great poem, and I congratulate you on your wonderful work! Here's a few clappy things...
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Yeah, some things should just stay unwritten.
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The sentiments here are splendid but the poem is rather lumpen. I read it out loud and continually stumbled over what should have been a good flow.
"Just show that I've had you in mind for hours..." almost pulled me to a dead stop ,for example. The last two lines seem to be just tagged on. This could be much improved with some careful editing.
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This is definitely a HALLMARK moment here (which by the way is not a bad thing considering how much Hall Mark makes)
John
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I Liked this poem
My first impression is that this person has a lot of love to give. Emotionly this poem is just filled with the love and devotion and you feel it in these words. This is not awkward, but you have a typoin the seventh line but (you)flowers. Then in line ten I would say, I'd package (my heart or a heart)with littie bows. Everything else is just right. My favorite part is line four. There is nothing that I dislike about this. The title is very good. the first line is just perfect for this poem, and the last line sums this up in a very nice way. I really liked this.
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I love it and whoever it's written for is a very lucky girl
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AWWW....
this is so sweet and how amazing is it when one can steal our words from us leaving us speechless nicely done
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This is such a beautiful write. I think the last two lines go well. It seemed to sum up the poem. Sometimes the feelings a person has for another can make someone feel at a loss for words. Keep up the good work.
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Hmm...
Think it's better with or with out the last two lines?
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Hmm..
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