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The Tempest





The Tempest





The rolling waves of linen threads
and seas of pillows neath our heads
the currents left from toes gone curling
tide pools birthed from kisses, swirling


I am lost in your embrace

Your breaths as calm as cool sea air
the sandy softness of your hair
I open slow, as shy seashells
our laughter rings like buoy's bells


entranced by your handsome face

I moan to you my siren songs
a tempest's gales, in passion's throngs
lost within your sea blue eyes
that rival all the tropic's skies


your soft kiss leaves me no choice

And as this storm slowly subsides
my longing slows, my pulse abides
upon your shores I rest my head
inside your arms, curled in your bed


soothed by the lilt of your voice



Author notes

Taking a crack a rhyme

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 36 of 36

  • Tarajane
    October 1
    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful, truely beautiful.
    Love embraced by magical words that heal a sacred heart.


  • Slayer gold member
    July 31
    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful
  • the flow is good imagery is better. overall great poem

  • macandrew
    May 16

    Edit | Reply
    And once again I am trying to get back on my poetic feet so I visit my good friends for inspiration and get blown away by this amazing poem.

    I am humbled.
    John
  • judmc
    April 10

    Edit | Reply

    Very Good

    a very well written flowing poem good use of the metaphor, delicate romantic phrasing I like it
    Try my "Your Beautiful" you may like it
    Best Wishes George ++++

  • XXx-ALI-xXx
    March 8
    Edit | Reply
    beautiful, very nicely expressed
    ~ali<3

  • CaliOkie silver member
    February 6

    Edit | Reply

    Please take a crack at it again real soon!

    This is fantastic. Nice flow, lilting quality without being sappy or trite. This is one hell of a good poem.

    You nailed this one. It is great. I'm running out of exclamations.

    Keep it up.

    CaliOkie


  • markgrif gold member
    November 26, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Nice flow, with awesome imagery.
    Edit:
    I actually forgot I already read this. I must be tired.

  • korculablue
    November 23, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    I love this

    Hello SerenityNChains,

    What a beautiful poem! In terms of literary excellence it has full marks. Your use of imagery is fantastic! I think the way you liken all the things and ways of the sea to your bed and love making is so stirring to my spirit..... The threads of the sheets, the sea of pillows..... breath is the sea air....hair soft as sand.... the shyly opening sea shells...the moaning of the siren... Wonderful!

    Your metaphorical language flows so beautifully right to the end. I thought the way you slip in a single line between each verse works especially well as they are simply written as things are, no imagery but reality, This links or merges with the images as well as being separate I think.

    Your last verse is so peaceful as the "storm subsides" into a tender and quiet aftermath.

    What a pleasure to read and drink in this wonderful poem.

    korculablue


    • SerenityNChains
      November 24, 2007

      Edit | Reply
      korculablue,
      Thank you for this wonderfully amazing comment. Rhyme is not always my forte', but on the occasions I do it, I try to do it well. Your comment took me aback because of it's depth of understanding of my imagery and metaphor. I cannot express in mere words how much joy this comment of your gave me. Again, humbly, I thank you.

      Blessed be,
      Billie Jean
  • Eusebius
    November 23, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    bravo

    Hey, this IS really quite excellent! A superb rhyming poem! I loved it!!! (like Oliver said in the Dickens' novel: "more, more please!") bravo... bravo... bravo...


    • SerenityNChains
      November 24, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Michael,
      Thank you so much for the wonderful comment. I am glad that someone of such excellent rhyming skills found this lil ditty to be good.

      Blessings be,
      Billie Jean

  • macandrew
    November 13, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    A smooth read with excellent rhyme. Absolutely nothing forces.

    No finer poem could welcome me back into my writing.
    John

    • SerenityNChains
      November 14, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      john,
      Thank you my friend, who is most excellent with rhyme. The compliment is only as good as he who gives it. I do hope you venture back in is a great one.

      Blessed be,
      Billie Jean

  • anaisnais
    November 9, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    So sweetly performed! Love this and with a second rhyme running allong inbetween the stanzas how very clever! Well done!!Delightful.


    • SerenityNChains
      November 9, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Believe it or not the "hidden stanza" was an accident. LOL. My boyfriend, whom I penned this for, caught it. Thank you ever so kindly. Your words are very appreciated.

      Blessed be,
      Billie Jean

  • Yunaleska gold member
    October 3, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    meh, I forgot to applaud. sorry, heh.


  • Yunaleska gold member
    October 3, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Wow! Taking a 'crack' at it? This is amazing! I am not too good at rhyming. It never flows well for me but this is so beautiful!!!! The rhyming is fantastic and I love how the lines in between the stanzas rhyme in themselves, becoming their own stanza. Such beautiful work. I might try it

    • SerenityNChains
      October 3, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Yuna, such kind words you extole on me. I thank you kindly. The "secret" stanza, as I call it, was quite on accident. LOL. However it does add a charm I think. I am glad you enjoyed this humble little poem. Do try it yourself. A challenge is good for the mind. I also suggest using an online rhymer, they help. Just google online rhymer, and quite a few will come up.

      Thank you agaiin, and may your day be blessed

      Billie Jean

  • paradoxical wish
    September 18, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Wow!! Great write!!Love the rhyme!!

    Thnx for entering & best of luck

    GloriousGift
    Heba

  • Heartless Angel
    September 17, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Lovely poem. I love your style in this poem, and the form you used. This was beautiful, and ridden with feeling. It's raw and gentle and I love the title. Wondeful job on this.


    • SerenityNChains
      September 17, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you ever so much for the ubundantly kind words. After I posted it I noticed that the four individual lines at the end of each stanza when read in order make a new fifth stanza, lol. Thanks again.

      Blessed be,
      Billie Jean
  • Wildflowers
    September 15, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    wow had to re-read this one, so just wow!

  • PerfectImperfection
    September 10, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Oh honey this is just gorgeous! Truly heart warming and so endearing. This new smile certainly frames your heart well! For someone who doesn't often rhyme, you do it quite beautifully!!!!

    All my love,
    Wendy


    • SerenityNChains
      September 10, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      thank you my favorite critic! inspiration comes in odd ways, and well...making the bed conjured fond memories! LOL. Yes, I did okie dokie on this rhyme, and even as far as England got some rave reviews on this, so I am content with it. I still prefer freeverse, being a rebel and all. Thank you so much babe. Hugs.

      Blessed be,
      Billie jean

  • SpydurPoet silver member
    September 7, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Wow. Wow. That was absolutely amazing and so beautiful. I loved the use of rhyme in this. Along with the imagery and flow of the words, you painted a beautiful picture. Excellent! Sorry, I know I may have missed a few poems, I was working on my homepage and some other stuff was going on....I'll try not to miss anymore.
    Love,
    ~*~SP~*~


    • SerenityNChains
      September 9, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you my loverly friend. I was inspired while making my bed lol. You know I dabble NOT with rhyme too often, but this one begged to be penned. No worries, relax and read at your leisure. When the book's finally out you get a signed copy. Hugs.

      Blessed be,
      Billie Jean
  • Wildflowers
    September 4, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    your rhyme in this piece is wonderful...wow!


    • SerenityNChains
      September 9, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you. I do not dabble much with rhyme and form, but this one just danced from my mind. Thanks again.

      Billie Jean

    • SerenityNChains
      September 5, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      I normally do not mess with rhyme as I prefer freeverse and prose. Thank you though. Good to see I can still pull out a good formed piece.

  • markgrif gold member
    September 4, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Perfect rhymes which flow natural.
    An endearing write. Thank you for sharing your talent.


    • SerenityNChains
      September 4, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      I blush, thank you Mark for the tender comment.

      Blessed be,
      Billie Jean
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