He dips his raspberry warmth
into the coolness of her waters
and finds sanctuary of surface.
Magnificent sphere of passion
offers little resistance
to her welcome of curved soothing
as each heated hue of melon's mound
melts as seeping syrup
into her willing pores.
And she is filled.
In a list
A contest entry
- Paint a Sunset by Peteskid.
600 points, ended September 4, 2007, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - *** Untitled Contest *** by Hebz.
425 points, ended September 21, 2007, 74 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Yummy write.
Write onward!
*PEACE*
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Delicious images!!!
Excellent write, i like it all...
Thnx for entering & Best of Luck
GloriousGift
Heba -
Lovely Imagery
Your poem is a pleasure to read. Such soft sweet and sesual imagery. Excellent write. Best of luck. Should definitly be with the winners. You take care, Sandy
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Oh this is just wonderful, what lovely imagery and emotion in this piece and I adored the last line, I loved that you left it "and she is filled", leaving the filling to our imagination. A absolutely wonderful piece of writing. Hugs, Bunny
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Lovely title. You only state two colors, raspberry and melon, but described it in such a way I saw many more! Saw one of those spectacular sunsets into the ocean...an assorted sherbet bliss!
Somehow, for me, the ocean always seems infinitely capacious; I balk a bit at the idea of her being "filled"...
Enjoyed your "heated hue" and "seeping syrup".
I also enjoyed the senses you brought into play with this piece: the tastes and visuals of fruit colors, sensations of warmth and cool, and smoothness of 'sphere' and 'curved soothing'.
Very nice!
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Thanks, Diane for your fabulous comment on my poem. Im so glad you enjoyed all sherbet. I think I shall have to make a trip to the grocery now to buy some!
I agree with you completely about the ocean seeming so infinitely large that it could not be filled! That is precisely why I like the line so much. Imagine the sun that could fill such a vast expanse, or the "he" that could fill such an open "her." It is an obvious overstatement, (Ha! for in reality the sun never dips into the ocean at all!), but that phrase is meant to show the immensity of his effect upon her.
Thanks again for you keen observation on my piece and your always thoughtful comments.
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wonderful use of imagery to create a sensual mood and narration, the passion rises as the events unfold to a high point; very nice pace and flow. Thank you for this fine entry into the contest and best of luck in the judging...PK
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Stunning piece. Such beautiful imagery and sound of language. That second stanza is simply amazing writing! "...offers little resistance/ to her welcome of curved soothing" - Wow!
That last line is quite unexpected and yet perfect. You've penned a masterpiece here, Ten.
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Wow, what a rich, meaningful piece. This is true poetry. Gorgeous metaphoric power, a masterful quality of speech, very calming, tranquil and beautiful. That last line is phenomenal, really captures the true essence of sensuality and love, and the content and reposed atmosphere it creates. The way the delicacies and divinities of nature are entwined to create this beautiful metaphor is amazingly effective. Those last four lines created a masterful finish. This entire piece is written so superbly. I am in awe. Very well done!!!
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Hey FWF, I haven't heard from you in almost forever! Nice to read see you again. Thanks so much for such an amazing comment on my poem, I really appreciate you taking time to comment thoroughly.
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