Dark As The Night
Souls of the damned;
Dark as the night.
Free will a gift;
They turn from the light.
Innocent blood was shed;
Pure love gave to die.
Last words from the cross;
"Forgive Them" he cried.
When the morning sun;
Shines on your face,
Remember the man;
Who died in your place.
Dark as the night;
Your soul need not be.
Get down on your knees;
Pray, Lord Save Me!
Author notes
Option 1: Cry out to God
A contest entry
- Maddness by GypsyEyes.
450 points, ended May 14, 2008, 46 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Faith, Path of Light by Oleander.
300 points, ended June 6, 2008, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Three Options by Learning2PaintYou.
575 points, ended November 29, 2008, 43 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 42 of 42
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this is a great poem it flows beautifully great job xx
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I think this is an awesome poem
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Not a fan of religious themed poetry, but it has nice form and syntax.
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Wow
First off the picture is actually quite freaky. The rhyme and flow is quite good whilst the pic really adds to the imagery your words work well with the prompt. I particularly like the 3rd verse
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"When the morning sun;
Shines on your face,
Remember the man;
Who died in your place."
This really spoke to me and I always love references to damned souls but that's just my personal opinion. Good work : ) -
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Thanks much for commenting and your personal opinion is always appreciated!
This was one of my favorites and I liked the 3rd verse also! The pic is freaky...to me that's what we would look like on the inside if we were one of the damned.
Thanks again
Tracey
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Good
A common topic revisited, well done. Slightly lacking that bit of personal experiance/emotion, but thats not totally necessary wth a topic like this, so feel free to disreggard my ramble.
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Thanks much for the read and commment... this poem was very personal for me.
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I message we all need to be remineded of from time to time. I really enjoyed this. What a great write! The second to last stanza really hit me.
Well done!
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Thanks much for the nice comment!
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Innocent blood was shed;
Pure love gave to die.
Last words from the cross;
"Forgive Them" he cried.
I really loved this stanza.
This is such a terrific write! It fits your prompt very very well.
Great write! -
This was really amazing!
I loved the rhyme and rhythm and the flow was perfect.
Really really brilliant write.
'When the morning sun;
Shines on your face,
Remember the man;
Who died in your place.'
So beautiful. Well done and i hope you place well in the contests xo -
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Thanks much for such a great comment! So glad you enjoyed it... it never did win in any of the contest but that's o.k. as long as I get comments like yours!
Keep writing!!
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Really well written. Gosh, comments seem so repetitive of late. I should start reading rubbish poems just so I can say something different. Won't find that here though. Interesting; in that way, good poetry is boring, while boring poetry is more exciting than the exciting stuff. Contradiction. Makes perfect sense. That's interesting. That's very interesting.
What I love about this poem is that it's good. Let's leave it there.
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Ha! Very "interesting" comment! Glad u enjoyed my poem and I hope you find one that's boring so you can get excited! LOL!!
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i like it. im not that much of a religious person and i thought it was very nice. =)
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Thank you for your entry.
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You're very welcome! Good luck with your contest!
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a good piece... your message was conveyed very well.
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Thanks much for the read and comment!
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great love the flow
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nice... you can feel the emotion... its so strong,,,
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wow, i love it. it really convey's Christ's selfless nature and love for us on his death on the cross. and your humility and obedience on the last verse as you are on your knees. the third verse is brilliant, a beautiful reminder of the gift we have in Him. Thanks for writing this
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Thanks much for your kind comment Since I've been writing on this site I've seen so much sadness exspecially from young people that it could break your heart. So much pain and darkness in this world...we need to remember we are not alone(I forget this myself)and that this world is not truely our home, we just live here for awhile.
Thanks again and God Bless!!
darlintlc
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I love it.
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Thanks so much for your kind comment...glad u enjoyed it!
darlintlc
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Being a Muslim, I have tremendous respect and love for one of the greatest Prophets of Allah, Jesus Christ, who brought light and hope to the world. His presence will be felt by humanity for all times to come.
I appreciate your love and reverence for Jesus Christ. The poem inspires the readers with its positive tone, its simplicity of expression and its puposefulness.
"Dark as the night
Your soul need not.
Get down on your knees:
Pray, Lord save me!"
May Allah bless you, my dear!
Rahi
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Thanks for your kind words on my poem "Dark As The Night"
Your understanding of the positive in this piece was what I wanted to show in this poem.
Thanks for reading
darlintlc
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darlintlc
Anything positive must be appreciated. I salute you for your positive attitude!
Rahi
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This is a great poem. Not too clear, with the part "Remember the man; / who died in your place." Overall thought this seems to be really good. I also like how it rhymes and that doesn't seem horrendously forced. The last line really bring everything together with "Get down on your knees; / Pray, Lord Save Me!" I like this. It has really good imagery. I especially love the first stanza, "Souls of the damned; / Dark as the night. / Free will a gift; / They turn from the light."
Reading it over, it becomes a bit more clear what the topic is, but I think lengthening it with a bit more detail would not hurt.
Overall, though, great and descriptive. It really is quite moving. -
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Thanks for your comments on "Dark As The Night"
The part that says: "Remember the man who died in your place"...was taking about Jesus on the cross. Hope that helps clear it up.
Most of the time when I write something it usually goes on as long as I feel whatever I was feeling at the time so...when the feelings gone the poem ends cause I've said all I had to say.
I do wish this was longer cause the feel was good when I wrote it! lol
Thanks again and I'll visit you soon!!!
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hmmm.... Very interestingly penned... Dark imagery... yet.. a different meaning... Deep thought here; and a great poem.
Good job
and good luck in your contest
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So very true... Everyone needs to say that prayer at least once in their lifetime... Well said indeed...
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Thanks for your comment. This was a contest I entered on another site and you were suppose to use "dark as the night" in your poem and for your title. Some things I was going through at the time made this a perfect subject to write about. I knew right away what it was going to be about for me. Sometimes a persons soul can be darker than the darkess night. We all have a choice and that's the wonderful thing!
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a good religious penning here, to have faith in the heart is to have hope in life i feel. prayers help too.
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love it
i love it -
Nice
The rhyme was good, but I think it would be better if you deviated from the overused four sentence stanzas. The meaning comes across well, all in all it was a very nice poem.
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Powerful poem and it flowed well and read really nicely. You have good word choice as well. This is relatable and I'm sure many people could benefit from this.
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Thanks
Thanks for your kind words!
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Theres a good flow and a strong rhyme in this piece, well worth the read i felt. line 5 is the only glitch i felt, parhaps you could find a way to say it that maintains the same flow.
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i really like the contridiction, you have written here. like what death n a picture said, you have the savior in with darkness thats pretty cool. im not really into religion, but this all ties in really well. awesome job.
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wow this is amazing, i love how you put the savior in with the darkness which is know for evil, great job!
stephanie -
This is such a deep, selfless poem! I love this! I can't believe that no one has commented on this, you should feature this that way it will get the critiques and attention it deserves!
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