haunting vacancy
of days
a queer
indifferent light
golden leaves
soaked with
cold rain
stuck to windshields
how i barely
cling to branches
stylization and stasis
dark pastels
i am only temporary
voices cryptic
secretive
no one gets me
in even the
smallest ways
little bags of
manipulative tricks
it is hurtful
how beautiful
they make me
such a danger of
being obsolete
turned into the greatest abstraction
A contest entry
- momiji by AJ Morelli.
1300 points, ended September 24, 2007, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 22 of 22
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Good
Interesting write and the many different ideas it brings to mind. That lonely last leaf clinging to the branch -
I really like this piece, the opening stanza is outstanding...
great entry, thanks
al
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Bravo
Arcane to my bull-dog facil mind, though very deftly done with wonderful potent November images... bravo... bravo... bravo....
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heidi.. everynow and then i run across a poem that i think one section is so strong that it should stand on its own as a poem- this is one of those instances- i think the first half of the poem ending in
i am temorary should be the entire poem- that as an ending is so strong as to feel it on your tongue and taste the fear- just amazing-
im not sure if i think
the second half reaches the same
level as the first half
and the punch sorta wears off a bit- that said.. if i had a choice the whole poem or no poem.. i'm taking the poem baby!
M -
Wow. I did like this one very much.
"it is hurtful
how beautiful
they make me"
Very telling lines. Almost confessional in a way. Superb poetry. I am pleased to have read this today. ~Pamela
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"how i barely
cling to branches"
I think we've all been here before...fragile and clinging to some sort of sanity while our world falls round about us. I know I can certainly relate
Ruth
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there is a very universal truth to
this... it is amazing how the subjects of loneliness, isolation, being misunderstood are so easy to relate to...
very well described... I like the way that it ends...
your closing lines pack a punch
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"no one gets me
in even the smallest ways
little bags of manipulative tricks
it is hurtful how beautiful
they make me"
me too
I love this!
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Thank you Cherokee for your thoughts
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i don't think i've ever seen 'dark pastels' used... and used so perfectly
you've described November perfectly and then slipped into the personal real smooth.
i'm putting this in my favorites by AP poets... there's something about this poem that draws me in...
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Thank you LadyUnique.. i love the picture you have of the hand and teacup!
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...and this is how november makes ya feel all warm and fuzzy inside
for me
it's the endless cold rain and the trick with dead leaves
and the long long spectres of mist
haunting the long long nights
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winter nights can be so excrutiatingly long
my uncle had to get one of those sunlamps lol
thanks blizzard for visiting
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As potently written as I've ever seen you pen! The subtle and gentle arc of this is amazing. It lilts! It lilts! - Into the bookmark baggy you go!! Weeeee
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always thankful
coming from someone so
talented -
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Oh hush ... you're no lackey - and you should know that
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we have already had those talks
LOL
*martini* -
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What - the ones where we talk in circles and spiral compete as to who's poesy is the bettererest? LOL
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LMOA yeah those!!!
you won...
i got dizzy and fell down!!!!
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That first stanza is exactly what it says on the can for this contest.
The rest is a bonus for the reader, so much is held so delicately, but that first stanza - absolutely -
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thanks
i am an emotional igloo today....
hubby visited this weekend - havent seen him in two months plus...
he just left and i wont see him again for another month...
you made me smile when i have no smile
today
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I like this!
It is very apt and creative and unexpected.
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