Lock the door,
quietly;
quietly.
Trace your veins with silver sweet.
The shrill winds of autumn
rattle at the window pane,
while trembling hands spill their warmth
into the twilight.
Spin the ceiling, twirl the sky.
The eventide beckons
our raspberry nebula.
The old tempest dies hard.
Flaws sear lucid whilst
bewildered by the Vesper fragments
sprinkled in your eyes.
We are not stained with darkness,
we are dipped in starlight.
This is not the witching hour;
it is dusk.
Author notes
option 4 and a little of 6.
i don't think self harm should seem so shocking;
it sometimes feels beautiful.
people are just frightened by what they can't comprehend.
A contest entry
- Velvet Tears and Razor Smiles by Moonlight Complex.
1000 points, ended September 2, 2008, 31 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The temptations of life by annesall235.
425 points, ended December 10, 2008, 25 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ♥ To Self Harmers ♥ by DinkyDiver.
1800 points, ended May 28, 38 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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this is true. people fear the unknown. your poem protrayed the beautiful side of it so well.
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first impression; chilling!
Title (how well the title relates to the poem): 4/10
Emotion (Shows emotion and gives a feeling to the poem): 5/10
Flow/Structure (It's easy to read and looks good): 9/10
Imagery (Paints a vivid picture in ones mind): 10/10
Reaction (How did the poem make me feel?) 10/10
Overall (overall opinion of the poem): 10/10
Totaling: 48/60
sorry, you almost made it with this one. i really loved this piece, something inside me froze and went silent as i read this. this poem made my reality shiver, but emotion was lacking. maybe just a little tweak on this, to show how you feel or why you are doing this would make this poem into a stunner. fantastic, but its a no from me. good luck and thanks for sharing x -
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thankyou
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welldone on your shiny trophies
Title (how well the title relates to the poem): 1/10
Emotion (Shows emotion and gives a feeling to the poem): 5/10
Flow/Structure (It's easy to read and looks good): 3/10
Imagery (Paints a vivid picture in ones mind): 10/10
Reaction (How did the poem make me feel?) 7/10
Overall (overall opinion of the poem): 8/10
Totaling: 34/60
a very nice write and I appreciate you sharing it with me, thankyou very much
xx 
and I totally agree with your AN
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All I can say (and pardon my language) this is fucking amazing! It is so overwhelming the depth of the form and words, just oh my god, this is may favorite so far great job!
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"silver sweet"
what you mean by that?
"Spin the ceiling, twirl the sky."
My favourite line in the poem.
"Our raspberry nebula."
Reminds me of Champagne Supernova by Oasis. Awesome.
Ok. This poem is incredible. I actually spat my tea back into my cup cause of the opening paragraph (and yes I drink tea... long story).
Ill make you pay for spoiling my tea...
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=]
hahaha apologies for spoiling your tea...
i bet it was rooibos. XD
peppermint is better.
=P
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No it wasnt... Earl Gay...
Btw this going onto my favs list... -
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and your FACE is going on mine!
XD
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Very beautiful! I really loved the flow of this poem and the way you put it together. Great job and good luck!
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This paints such a pretty picture in my mind! You penned a lovely piece my friend!
Hope you are well!
Becks
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That is a fantastic poem.
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An excellent poem with original imagery and phrasing.
Keep up the wonderful work.
D.D.M.
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Love It
Love this Poem.. You really know how to tell it from the heart.
Its beautiful
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Awesome
Amazing imagery and flow. This is beautiful - fantastic work.
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*blushhh* thankuu x]
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Wow. I absolutely loved that...the eventide beckons our raspberry nebula. You did such a fascinating job with the imagery in this. I loved it.
Write on.
~*~SP~*~
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love that last verse (:
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