Paint me a whisper
Softly in my ear
Tell me I'm safe
Theres nothing to fear
Show me these things
With the warmth of your voice
The touch of your breath
I'm left without choice
Tell me you'll hold me
Never to part
Whisper our future
A work of art
So paint me a whisper
Paint me your dreams
Whisper your love
Nothing what it seems
Author notes
Changed this a bit, I just didn't like the original 4th stanza so I removed it.
Contest poem. Prompt was "Paint Me A Whisper"
A contest entry
- 48 hr Contest! (18 and over only!) by Celticmoon.
450 points, ended September 13, 2007, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Winner Takes All - Notice Me Ashay by incondite.
400 points, ended September 20, 2007, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Pre-write Party [Why not?] by DancingRed.
300 points, ended September 26, 2007, 53 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrites that dont suck. by parachute fog.
400 points, ended October 20, 2007, 93 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Does this have a musical quality to it? It seems almost lyric like to me..
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
-
Hello there, Emily.
The lyrics of a pop song are often ambiguous and abstract; they do not give the kind of specific detail that a good poem does.
Your poem is a bit like that.
Have a gr8 day,
BJ.
-
-
not all poetry is written to give specific detail. in fact, most of mine is written abstractly. im not trying to potray scenes and experiences, but emotions and ideas. some poetry is intended to make you feel a certain way or get a certain image, just because it isnt detailed and specific dosent mean its not good poetry. in fact, getting too specific often makes the poem bad, and not able to flow, because the reader cant relate. if the reader cant relate to your work you have nothing.
-
-
Differences
The gr8 thing about poetry is that we all have our differences of opinion. What appeals to one will not appeal to others.
For instance, I agree with your final line, but for different reasons:
"if the reader cant relate to your work you have nothing. "
-
-
-
I do love the whole 'paint me a whisper' idea; I think you've developed it well, but to me the end rhyme seems a little forced. Perhaps you should pop an apostrophe in the fourth line -- there's
Thanks for entering.
DancingRed. -
I am not a huge fan of rhyming poetry, however this was done up nicely. A bit different from the rest which is good. Thank you for entering and good luck!
Blessings
Bel
-
Very enchanting, sweet and simple, I like it!
Adding your comment:
1 - 6 of 6
