She was once a water princess
It seemed easier to just go with the flow
Until an unexpected wave rushed in
and swept her up in its undertow
She had such a giving heart
As warm as the sun is bright
She dove right in and gave it all
When within him she saw a light
She loved him wholly with all she had
and waited for him to come
She knew this love was worth it
For she knew he was the one
It was hard that she couldn't look in his eyes
Harder to live without his touch
An empty space forming within a heart
That didn't know it could love this much
She gave of herself completely
Knowing she was in for a fight
She thought her love would be enough
To bring him to her side
She couldn’t let go of the feelings
The ‘what if’ was too much to bear
She needed him to hold her hand
But he was never there
And so her hand would slowly turn cold
and the light in her eyes would dim
She didn't know how to handle the pain
Of living without him
So she goes on living mechanically
A soft, yet emotionless, voice
Her tears now brim then fall back inside
and cover her heart in ice
Though she does remain quite beautiful
In a porcelain doll sort of way
Frozen skin of pale cream
Blue eyes that turned to gray
You hear them speak of the Ice Princess
and the story of her numbing fate
and how the kiss of her one true love
Her frozen heart awaits..
Author notes
Not too sure about it...
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 30 of 30
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Beautifully composed sort of "Cinderella of disillutionment"you've shared with us. So where goest Prince Charming of harming? So...sad.
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sad, but passionately sweet
amazing! beautiful! brillant!
well written! a heartache explained in a different way.
very nice. a favorite for me!
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anger and passion
wonderfuly written
and sweet
great work
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Solid Poem
Sounds to me after reading the poem, which was well done though lacking in vocabulary (which may be just fine in the end) and reading your responses to comments that you are not afraid to learn and adapt to improve your talent. That is what poetry is about, kudos!
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beautiful, sweet..and sad
from the title and first line, i was in...very nice work. Excellent and unique use of metaphor..love the "blue eyes turned to gray"...Bravo!
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Excellent
This drew me into the emotions that I felt for so many years. Married for 37 years and I kept waiting and even after our divirce I waited. All the pain and sorrow in this piece is amazing.
You did a wonderful job putting into words that alot of people feel.
I look forward to rrading more of your work -
This is one so many can relate to. The wanting and desiring...trying to achieve...yet left standing alone. Heart numbing as each chapter goes forth without the gentleness of his touch. Love at its worst...one sided. Wonderful write you have penned here my dear...the story tugs at the heart.
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That was so beautiful. And bizarely I felt like I could relate to it. Amazing.
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i love it well express of passion which tugs at your heart... ialso feel the angry in it ... thanks for sharing.
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chilling and well thought-out
I enjoyed this one. It's simple and wraps up nicely, like a package. However, I feel it's incomplete. More can be said, more can be thought. It sounds very. . . well, too simple. There's passion and anger in this poem, yet it comes across as "girl likes guy, he doesn't like her as much or uses her, leaves, and she overreacts." There needs to be more into her thoughts and feelings, and really make this guy out to be a bastard while you're at it, because he IS the villain, after all. Also, as for the meter, just read the poem out loud and see if each line flows equally with its respective. . . matching line. I'm no English professor, but just see if it flows when you read it out loud. I try to have the same # of syllables per line. I really do like this poem, as it gave me chills while I read it. Plus it reminds me of a killer song by Within Temptation that you'd probably like, of the same name.
edit: sorry, the song I was thinking of is "Ice Queen"
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This is so poignant and heart-wrenching. It could be metered differently, but I like it just the way it is. Don't change anything. This makes me want to reach out and just hug someone endlessly. It touched me. Thanks.
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Thank you so much for reading and commenting, I really appreciate it. I don't think I really know the technicalities of metering, but you are the second person that has mentioned it. Sounds like I will have to look into it, I am always looking to learn and improve
So thank you again!
♥
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well this is such a good poem like a story told if u ask me i would leave it as it is just lovely
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Thank you so much! I appreciate you reading and leaving a comment!!
♥
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I...hmmm
I like it.
I am having a problem with the flow, however. You could probably put this to a meter and I bet it would turn out beautifully. Just a thought. -
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Thank you for reading and for your comments! I always appreciate suggestions...I will try to look it over when I have time and see if I can make it flow better, although I don't believe I have quite mastered meter so it may be difficult for me. I just kind of write it how it sounds to me, even though I realize that others may not read it the same...
Anyway! Thank you again, I really appreciate it!
♥
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This poem is so beautiful! My favorite part is how you described her life fading from the unreturned love, and how "blue eyes that turned to gray". Because when you loose the one you love, you do fade like that. This really spoke to me! Keep up the writing, you really do have a gift.
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Thank you very much for reading and for your comment! I love your screen name It has such personality!
I very much appreciate your comments!
♥
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aww wow. i love your poem. I completely understand how the person feels in this poem. Beautiful write.
So she goes on living mechanically
A soft, yet emotionless, voice
Her tears now brim then fall back inside
and cover her heart in ice
This bit really stood out to me as i seem to do that daily. Isnt it funny how we become so cold and all that is needed to break the ice that we have surrounding our hearts is a simple touch or kiss from the one we love. and yet they never seem to realise it n think that we are ok and that the relationship is fine n yet its not and we are dying inside.
Well done again. loved it -
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Thank you so much for reading, I couldn't agree with you more! I will certainly return the favor as soon as I can here, hopefully tonight or tomorrow...
Thank you again!
♥
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This is IT -- OUTSTANDING
I call this a Masterpiece, a perfect and perfectly beautiful poem.
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Thank you!
jeez...that's quite a compliment, this is one of those poems that reflect alot of personal aspects and fears.
♥
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Very good
This is so moving I can relate to it my husband died 12 years ago and used to think I could never go on without him. He did so much for me that I look back at the good times along with the last part and I realize I made it. This is so beautifully written. I like "To bring him to her side
She couldn’t let go of the feelings
The ‘what if’ was too much to bear
She needed him to hold her hand
But he was never there"
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HOW DID I MISS THIS ONE??!
KABAM! This was awesome! One of the ones that just get me all excited after I read them. AH! I loved the last three verses...Numbing fate was an awesome description and the end was just...well perfect. SUPERB (that word makes me feel weird when I say it) I like how you explain how she is too, the emotionlessness and mechanically living and porcelain doll. All very very neat. Relatable and incrediable.
>kALI>
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I think calling this just a beautiful piece is .. not enough. I agree that it flows very nicely and the rhyme does sneek in, but fits perfectly. Sometimes I think I am turned into ice *and reading this .. I can just really relate to it* I think some spend a lifetime waiting for their true love to kiss them...to warm their heart. Maybe I'm one of those *lol* Either way, this was wonderful to read!
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Well thank you, I hoped, as always, that many would be able to relate, either the waiting part or where you just have to numb yourself to the pain...or whatever
You're so sweet I've been wondering how you've been, so do tell! Hope everything is going okay...well, back to homework..yay.
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This is beautiful and full of emotion. I can relate to this on many levels. Have one titled this as well. Your rhyme and meter flow wonderfully, just as the flow of water. Rhyme sneaks in...not obvious. Subtle sadness...and so very bittersweet. Story well told. Dont think that any editing is needed. Sometimes when edited takes away the initial feelings that leap from the page. Hang in there...love that is meant to be always finds its way back to the heart that awaits it.
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This is beautiful and has a bitter sweet intonation. The image of the Ice Princess is one of a giving loving soul and it's sad that she looses in the end but you leave hope. The rhyme in this is wonderful and adds magic to the read.
Love,
Amera♥
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Gee... I can totally relate to this one. Though I haven't turned to ice yet! Hehe.
Good job!
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