She sat in the park
tear stains
drying leaves.
I wanted to tell her
his love was untrue-
how much better she could do.
How my love left me biased,
sitting, silently searching
the barren branches
of her happiness gone.
A red leaf drifting away
from the only home
it had ever known,
fell between us;
absently, we both reached out.
that moment
our hands knew
a truth she was unable to see.
I watched her fall;
holding her, understanding
the seasons to come
are more important
than moments that end.
A contest entry
- momiji by AJ Morelli.
1300 points, ended September 24, 2007, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ONLY Pre-Writes that should have won a trophy. by lindaburns.
1050 points, ended November 25, 2007, 26 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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the seasons to come
are more important
than moments that end.
I like this a lot. See you at the finish line.
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i really like the ending here- nicely done
m -
I like the metaphor of fall and her falling into heartache, the close is really nice as well, it tends to sound deliberately "poetic" at times, I think the natural voice works better here, some end rhymes might work better internally but its nice none the less...
thanks for entering it here...
al -
This was smooth and caressing to my eyes. Gave me feelings of hope and tranquility as I read it. What a wonderful moment shared here and a bond that is very strong. Very well written
Becky
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"the moments that end" - just bliss dear poet. Just bliss
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"the seasons that come are more important than moments that end."
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Profound, I love how the imagry and intimacy move the thoughts along, a brilliant tale of romance, leaving the questions of whats to come... Love the imagry here
a powerfull need to read on captured me at the onset of this peice. well done!!
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thank you for these Kind words... Odd, I thought I had replied to you already.? be well my friend.
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I like this! You gave me flaskbacks of old movies with the images you created with your words and that doesn't happen often
Yes I know I am weird but no matter. This truly is a wonderful piece. It is written with a softness one can only hear through thoughts expressed in the silence of ones own mind. Bravo!
Best of luck to you in the contest!
Bel
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thank you Bel, I like this too. it is just an all round strong piece... It has to be with Mary judging
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