rust upon hinges
signals door’s aging ruin
upon leaves,
preludes death and rebirth
A contest entry
- momiji by AJ Morelli.
1300 points, ended September 24, 2007, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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This small penning certainly does have a Zen-like feeling within its brevity, Scribe. Another short and miraculous piece of writing from your talented pen. 
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wow!
excellent, short sweet and straight to the point...so much imagery that i see its wonderful!!!
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Short but elegant...and w. a certain bit of Zen zest =)
There's a Zen & abstract-y feel, and the title of the poem and the poem's own content is a bit of a mystery to me, but that's all for the better...makes it more intriguing.
"preludes death and rebirth"
"Preludes" is a great word, and I love that death and rebirth are in the same sentence--it's like an incomplete oxymoron, because death and rebirth are often seen as contrasts/the same thing, depending what you believe.
-Jessica
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you certainly have the zen-like quality here, very good piece, thanks for entering it here...
al -
Now this has an amazing zen-like quality and feel to it - just magnificent
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Certianly packs a punch.
I can see the 5-7 of a haiku in the beginning, and it really grabbed me. The finish is compelling and quite well written, but I think I would be struck by it more if it stuck to it's Haiku beginnings. (I'm a bit of a Haiku freak) -
i just really like this piece- i like the succinct quality of its wording and the intelligent nature of its discovery- you've done a fine job with imagery in so short a span
in a purely aesthetic nature it might be nice to drop the entire piece down from the title just a bit.. looks all scrunchy..
but that is really neither here nor there.. the piece is very nice
m -
The title, followed by the poem, reminded me of Isaiah 6:13 (...as a teil tree, and as an oak, whose substance is in them, when they cast their leaves...). Great contrast between the rust of ruin, and the similarly-colored ending of season as a prelude to another season and future growth.
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I love the contrast you have made between the effects of loss and time upon something man made (a door, its hinges) and upon creation (the leaves). A door, though once perhaps connected to the life and sustenance of creation is no longer of that life-giving substance. It is removed and this will rust and ruin. The leaves of the tree, on the other hand may wane with the effects of time, and die, but it will be reborn.
It seems you have contrasted in an abstract manner the difference between the physical and the spiritual. i love the beauty and dark reality and blessed hope of "prelude to death and rebirth."
Superb piece.
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Much substance in sparse wording.
A brief but very reflective piece, containing much truth.
Best of luck in the contest
PJ
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most definitely zen-like and quite sparce as well.
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Succinct ... in your usual classy way ... very nicely done. Good luck!
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please check the rules again- some may have changed since you posted.
m
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