A single bell rings
Slowly muffled by the salt
In the water I once walked on
by the San Andreas Fault
A lonely church stands
Gently cradled by the breeze
In the skies I once looked up to
with a childish sense of ease
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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start
I quite like the images you have collected in these two short stanzas. I'm not entirely convinced the poem is finished as it ends rather abruptly. I like to read and write short poems, so that's not my concern with this one. rather it is that your final line doesn't quite seem to fit with the rest of the poem. It just floats away, but perhaps that's what you intended (just like that single bell chime dropping into the water).
I hope you don't mind my remarks.
Best wishes,
myron. -
Reflecting back on other times when you were here before - liked the flow, rhythm and rhyme in these lines; easy to read and understand what you have written. Nothing stays the same, we all change, as do various parts of the earth's ecosystem. Nice to remember them from a childish point of view - so different from the way adults view the same place or experience.
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The brevity of this work pours mystique upon its rich imagery and spellbinding flow. I sense that the bell tolls for the body now laid to rest within the grave yard; this image requires nothing more than you have written so beautifully here. If your intention is to evoke loss of innocence then, like other commentators below, please tell us more! Either way, this is wonderful wordsmithing.
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Just 2 stanzas but a wealth of imagery. I don't have the luxury, or hindrance perhaps, of being American so my reading of this only allows my images to be conjoured by your words. Both clear and poetic. Good work.
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I am Bristish actually - my words just come from nowhere :-)
Glad you liked it my Aussie mate!
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Pure beauty in poetry your passion shines.
Noah
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More
This is good. I want more. It runs out too soon.
Joe
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unnerved and following the coastline...
perfect west coast semblance - the curvature of earth; the sea swept sound of buoy content; the amalgamation of earth-moving-water-walk miraculousness, and the intentions of God's fold of innocence dissolving into once-experienced. the craftiness is a pure reflection of something you hold...
Moqui suggested a visit here, and I am anything but dissapointed. ~ EZB
www.moodgroove.com
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salt in the air ... a bell rings, slowly muffled by salt ... the church, gently cradled by the breeze ...the salt was in the water ... you walked upon it ... you once looked up into the embrace the bell is muffled within, with a childish sense of ease ...
this is profound ... it speaks of the passage of things we once trusted to be beautiful forever, things curtailed in their beauty by the other beauty which has gone to aggression which time gives everything, as water becomes the most powerful force in the world, and the patience of chemical residue and the innocence of children begins to fly in unexpected, heartbreaking directions unchildish, and perhaps unkind, sometimes we feel that we, ourselves, begin to disappear also ... yet, a single bell rings, and the cradle of time and its weapons, its salves and its nuances, are always gentle, unnoticed and so alone themselves that there is a unity, of sorts ... a simple, elegant justice often unfair. bravo. beautiful. true.
Moqui says
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Wonderful poem. It was so much easier as a child to believe in all things and hold them true and good. The word you used were very creative and hold great imagery. Good job.
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I like the way this write develops down the page here and enjoyed reading it very much. You created a nice transition from the beginning of the poem to the ending. Keep that ink flowing freely from your pen dear poet!
♥ Touchof1der -
I really like the writing style (its the one I usually use). The words were soothing, but also somewhat saddened.
I'm a bit confused as to what is happening- it sounds like either a marriage or a funeral. And also, like the person below me said, the bell seems as if it's under water.
Besides that though, this was really great. Many emotions packed into so few words.
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Don't Hate Me For This!
In the water I once walked [on] or [in]?
Also, is the bell in the water? I wouldn't think so, but the way it is written it sounds like it should be?!
I'm probably being too hypercritical here, but it was just some of the impressions I got on first read.
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I'm glad I got to read this.Very nice
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bravo
Wistfully beautiful and so very excellent! I loved, loved it! Several dozen "bravos"! bravo... bravo... bravo...
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Simplicity at its finest!!!
You are the most rhythmic poet I have ever read. All your poems have subtle lyrics to them. Your lines could easily be composed to music, like a waltz or some sort. I remembered reading your tribute to the late Liviu Librescu. When I saw Virginia Tech's first football game since the tragedy, I thought of your words. Have you ever thought of writing a book? Trust me. You'd be a best-seller. You're that talented!!
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Wow I am sure I do not deserve your wondeful words but I shall take them nonetheless. Thank you friend x
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