[ Haunted by voices no one else hears ]

Haunted by voices no one else hears
Controlled only minimally by medications,
Taunted by my distorted reflection in the mirror
Which drives me to alternate between purging and starvation
Tired of living a life not worth it
I'm ready to press the emergency exit button.

Day One: 
Mom's downstairs cooking dinner
Dad's still working even though it's late evening
Slip into their room,
They don't lock up their pills anymore,
They thought my days of overdoses were over
Pocket their anti-depressants

Later that day:
Quietly excuse myself to the bathroom
open the drawers and cabinets
Pour out the Benadryl and Motrin
Into my shaking hand

Day Two:
Mom and dad and my two brothers
are all eating lunch downstairs
tell them I'm not hungry
foods for the weak anyway
Go back into my parent's bedroom
Open the other drawer
take my antipsychotics, mood stabilizers and sleep aids
put them in a small plastic baggy and into my pocket they go

Day Three:
Take a bus into town
buy a bottle of water
tremors run through my body
tready to standy my hands
as I empty my baggy of pills
one by one
then two by two
then three by three
into my mouth.
Getting woozy and tired
feeling kind of weird
Legs give out from under me
Vague awareness of lying in
a pile of dirt and leaves
sharp pains in my belly
twitching in my body
flashes of light
is this a grand mal seizure
stream of wet between my legs
I'm pissing on myself
Wait I don't want this!
Fifteen's too young to die.
Too late
my heart gives out it's last beat
Still.
Nothingness.
Death.