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Phases (terza rima #2)

 

She comes out in the morning as he's walking home
and greets him with her slightly crooked smile.
She asks about his night. His shoes skim down the road.
And he tells her, "It stretched on for quite awhile."
She glides along beside him until he's at his door,
where she bids him rest as deeply as a child.

 

 

Wearing her pale white sundress, she joins him near the shore
of a mountain lake on summer afternoons,
and walks with him half dancing through oak leaves fully formed
to a hilltop well above the water's hues.
Leaned against gray bark, he sings forgotten poems
while she gazes through the trees in pensive mood.

 

 

Early in the evening, she meets him for a stroll
among the hills above his rural town.
Beneath a canopy of pines, madrones, and oaks
his footsteps crunch on fallen shades of brown.
She floats along, her face contrasting with the greens,
her step as delicate as thistledown.

 

 

At dusk in cheerful poise she joins him by the sea,
scarce leaving footprints on the rippled shoal,
and laughs above the waves that reach to lick her feet
yet never seem to wet her nimble soles.
He watches her at play with almost wistful eyes
as leisurely they wander down the shore.

 

 

She keeps him company on long dark desert drives,
reflecting on his contemplative nature.
They meditate on mountains looming in the night,
ghostly valleys gaping shadowed acres,
sagebrush luminescence wafting from the void,
and seldom headlamps floating through the vapors.

 

 

Deep in redwood shade his bamboo timbres join
with sounds that trickle from the underbrush:
the faint cicada's buzz, the rodent's random noise,
the creek's caress of pebbles, roots and mud.
She listens to his flute-song echo through the timbers,
pondering the darkness, still and lush.

 

 

Nearby aspens shiver. Distant pine trees whisper.
He sleeps at peace in his secluded tent
amid tall blades of grass that tremble when the wind stirs.
Long before the dawn ignites the crest
of mountains to the east, as Orion climbs their heights,
she wakes to watch him breathe in perfect rest,
while dreams of her expressions fill his dormant mind.

 

 

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Comments

1 - 20 of 20
  • firefly53633
    August 20
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    Phenomenal Work!

    Astoundingly beautiful! You really captured my attention on this one! It was as though I was hearing a ghost whispering a story in my ear. Strangely eerie feelings emit from this poem. I loved the images you painted with your words and the rhyming as though I heard the water lapping on the shore! Masterfully done! Standing ovation from me!

    . Rewarded 6


    • Zahhar gold member
      August 22
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      Glad you enjoyed this one. I'd say this is one of my more inspired writes. And it was no meager task attempting to describe my relationship with the moon via her many phases through pure depiction.
  • This is beautiful. You really made life come alive with your words. The poem is very descriptive, and melodic almost sings to me. You used repetition beautifullly in this piece as well. So full of imagery. I truly enjoyed. ~mandie~

    • Zahhar gold member
      July 12
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      Thank you Gypsy Rose. I took various experiences had between myself and the moon and metaphorized every piece of it. Was a worthwhile exercise, and inspiring.

  • redteacup
    May 1

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    This is beautiful. Your images all fit so well together, yet are each original and striking in their own way.

    "bamboo timbres" was such a good way to describe his voice.

    and until the last three stanzas there is always something about the girl's movement, and it's always so ethereal... floating, half-dancing, the water not touching her feet. i rather wanted that to keep going.

    thank you for sharing this.
    excellent work.

    • Zahhar gold member
      May 1
      Edit | Reply
      Think "phases" of the moon. Each stanza is a metaphor for the moon, and the man's relationship with her. Since all the imagery is taken from personal experience, I suppose that man would be me.

      Glad you enjoyed.
  • Ashlea-Arden
    December 24, 2007

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    well done

    you really can make life come alive in words. I just hope you don't get a big head lol with all the excellent work you do!
    Beautiful, evoking, charismatic craftsmanship.

  • Celtic Legend
    December 10, 2007
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    gently written with plenty of pleasant pictures

    your beautiful poem reminds me of a touching story

    a man lives his life
    believing that god has never seen his troubled days and if he has he will make no move to stop them
    he goes to the beach and walks along the shore
    there is only one pair of footsteps but they are not his god has been carrying him through the problems he faced all this time

    thank you for this pleasing memory

  • Winters Mommy
    December 9, 2007

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    While reading this, I felt as if I could have filled in the blanks and been reading the story of the lives of two people who enjoy each other's company. The poem is very descriptive, melodic....without being too trite or rhyming in a childish way. Kudos.

    . Rewarded 6


  • Peteskid gold member
    November 14, 2007
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    yes i see the form, many opportunites for expression and creativity here, i expect to be able to write many forms and this seems one i might add, an opportunity to create some poetic beauty... many thanks Zahhar for all of your help...PK

    . Rewarded 4


  • Maribel
    November 4, 2007

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    Beautiful

    Wonderful imagery in this poem... I felt as if I was walking in the trees, by the lake, crunching leaves underfoot. You made the countryside come alive. Great depiction also of the relationship between the man and the woman, they appear very wrapped up in each other and so close together. I really enjoyed this beautiful poem.

    . Rewarded 6


  • pvenugopal silver member
    October 13, 2007

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    You have a natural instinct for striking the right tone, style and technique to achieve impact. The key in 'Yolla Bolly,' it seemed to me, was the expression "I did not come to conquer," opening the doors to a beautiful world of poetic experience. Here the key is the moon who keeps you company in your hours of solitude, not just sharing your experience, but an integral part of the experience itself. You have used the technique of repetition beautifully in both poems to build up the impact. I wish I could write like this.
    One suggestion though. Some expressions, I think, do not jell with the overall excellence of the poem. Instances: 'dormant mind,' 'pensive mood.' By your standards, there is something flat about such expressions.

    . Rewarded 8


  • FindingFaith
    October 5, 2007

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    I am not quite sure what a Terza Rima is but you have written yet more beautiful words here. Simply divine. The imagery was great. Felt like I was there. I enjoy when a writer can create images in my mind...

  • Athena of Starlite
    September 21, 2007

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    I'm glad you appreciated my comment - I've had many a worse response.

    Again, I have an issue with your pacing. You're very good with the words themselves and creating images. But to me it feels as though nothing is driving them forward, as though there is no purpose or mystery trying to be revealed. I am interested in reading more of your stuff though . . . keep recommending poems for me to read.

    Again, I just want to stress how beautiful the words are. I feel if each of these stanzas were a separate poem, I might find them even more enjoyable, or if they were separated, like in a photo- or picture book.

    . Rewarded 8


    • Zahhar gold member
      September 21, 2007
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      what happens when you consider that "she" is the moon?

  • Jalalbad gold member
    September 19, 2007
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    you are a good writer

    One of the best! I admire your work here.
    Smile,
    Judy


  • the video game poet
    September 6, 2007

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    Your affinity for words leaves me drawing circles in my oatmeal. You're truly gifted. Excellent write! Keep evolving!

    . Rewarded 4


  • MariGoes gold member
    September 4, 2007

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    Excellent rhymes!

    ...he walks with a wish in his heart
    to meet the girl who greets the morn
    with a sweet smile and shiny eyes...

    When reading the poem, I can't tell you had troubles writing the last stanza
    Soft images, very good alliterations and excellent rhymes!

    I believe you have 'painted' with this poem, the woods you use to visit to play your flute.
    There is also the dream of having she exactly that way you describe above.

    Yes, I like it, what isn't to like


    . Rewarded 8

  • Kay Laon Anders
    September 3, 2007

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    I love this...

    I have no clue as to what a terza rima is but this writing is beautiful...


    This reminds me of Message In A Bottle...I like how it goes from morning to evening...and dusk to dark..

    It is like a story of a life in a day...if that makes any sense at all..lol

    It seems to me that "she" really isn't a human..but a metaphor for something else...like a dream..or a guidance...

    My favorite stanza:


    "She keeps him company on long dark desert drives,
    reflecting on his contemplative nature.
    They meditate on mountains looming in the night,
    ghostly valleys gaping shadowed acres,
    sagebrush luminescence wafting from the void,
    and seldom headlamps floating through the vapors."

    this seems like something I would do...well have done but always alone. this one seems the most alive to me..
    the most action or motion is in this one.

    i love "...and seldom headlamps floating through the vapors."....


    Best image:

    "Long before the dawn ignites the crest
    of mountains to the east, as Orion climbs their heights,"

    it doesn't get any better than that...great great write..

    KAY laon

    . Rewarded 8

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