I can't find the words to say to you;
they are trapped within my soul-
so here I fall to pavement for you;
poisons taking me whole...
I can feel your hatred in my veins-
flowing with the toxins...
the anger and agony bubbling my blood
releasing another one of my sins...
With gravel ground into my skin
from kneeling down pathetically,
I beg for the understanding-
that no one but me can see...
The way I feel for you-
no one else can begin to even touch...
love and desperation- envy and earnest so much...
A necessary evil holds me
to the words I can not say-
they bring me down unto a black;
that shadows your name to this day...
My head spins in confusion-
frustration and fogged up motivation...
the wounds in my heart and on my limbs
are falling weak in the hazy resolution...
My only way to speak these convulsions-
the final solution to last look into your eyes...
I have to say Hello to you-
Hello to Hell...Heaven goodbye.
Author notes
The option is suicide (2)
A contest entry
- Depressing.... with options by Ntagatf.
500 points, ended September 19, 2007, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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just as a creative suggest for your lines.... in the last stanza if you were to seperate "to the last look into your eyes..." onto it's own line, the read is much smoother and has amazing flow...
but if you are trying to keep it four lined stanza structured.. then your forth needs to be tweeked a smidgen.. other than that I liked this alot! Your third sentence of your first stanze.. is that supposed to be like that or did you just for get, "... I fall to THE pavement..." it had a lot of painful force through out it... made me feel some kind of pulse as I picked up the beat... thanks for sharing!!
J~~~ -
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Thank you for the excellent suggestions, I'll take a second look when I have more concentration on my mind
Thanks for the reading and commenting!
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no problem you just keep writing this awesomely cool stuff and I'll def comment!
J~~~ -
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Shweet, thanks!
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good job, i like this its deep and calm, kinda like somethings gonna happen... from the beginning to the end. Its a great write and thank you for entering my contest, Good luck! keep up the good work
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Thank you
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great
i also enterred this contest check out my poem "beautiful liar" i love this poem the detail is great and the passion i can feel good luck=]♥
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loving you too death, you're poem wasn't added to my contest i don't know what you did but you're not listed there, but the poem is a great write, so try to add it to my contest!
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