Devastation appears on silent whim
Standing, staring, as horror strikes us cold
When we glance back, our face a picture grim
Contorted by what has us in its hold
This day was like all others of the norm
Devastation appears on silent whim
Hate quietly dispensed in wretched form
When we glance back, our face a picture grim
Billows of smoke shout anger in stark gray
Standing, staring, as horror strikes us cold
We suffer pain from loved ones passed away
Contorted by what has us in its hold
There's sadness in the hearts of many left
As we try hard to forge our way ahead
What of the villains that spent us bereft
Repeatedly we tend to bury dead
But in these trying times we give tribute
There's sadness in the hearts of many left
Retaliation's War is not my suit
What of the villains that spent us bereft
I pray for peace to come and settle now
There's sadness in the hearts of many left
The people of the Earth must blend somehow
What of the villains that spent us bereft
O God of great and small please pierce our souls
To issue comfort that remakes the world
I'll watch with gladness as goodness unfolds
And witness smiles on faces that unfurl
Let's throw away the harshness that does kill
O God of great and small please pierce our souls
And in these last days let the waters still
I'll watch with gladness as goodness unfolds
And in the end let generations stand
To issue comfort that remakes the world
Come join to make a chain of every hand
And witness smiles on faces that unfurl
© Renee Matthews-Jackson (Poetryality)
Sep 3 2007 ~ 10:35 AM
A NON-ENTRY
Author notes
OPTION # 3
Photograph:
"WTC Tribute in Lights 911 Annual Commemoration in New York City"
The Form is called : "®RenRhyme"
This is a Triple RenRhyme (Using 10 syllable lines)
*A "®RenRhyme"© 2006 rmj (Original Form)
Written in 8 or 10 syllable lines, consistently. Meaning do not mix eight with ten but write with either eight or ten syllable lines.
It consists of three, four-line (Quatrain) stanzas (12 lines)
Lines 1-4 in the opening stanza are the refrain lines
Line 1 is repeated as line 2 in the second stanza
Line 2 is repeated as line 2 in the third stanza
Line 3 is repeated as line 4 in the second stanza
Line 4 is repeated as line 4 in the third stanza
®RenRhyme (Rhyme Scheme):
A-B-A-B
c-A-c-A
d-B-d-B
A contest entry
- Have You Forgotten??? by Talking Toni.
450 points, ended September 10, 2007, 13 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - September 11th Remembered by Page Shut down.
450 points, ended October 6, 2007, 16 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 37 of 37
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First off thanks for explaining the form you used. I had never heard of it before. Sounds very complicated.
I do hear your cry of hope and peace. This was written very well. Thanks for sharing this with us. And thanks for entering it into this contest. -
This is such a touching memorial to the loss and devisation of that fateful day, Renee. You've captured so much of that day in this wonderful poem.
And thanks for explaining the form, one of your own creations, well done.
Dee
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I could tell by reading it that it was some kind of form, I'm glad you explained it here.
I think the one thing we did not do, which we should have, was that call for peace. Caught up in the horror, indignation and understandable desire for revenge. we forgot the humanity and our values and beliefs...we became like them...and now hopefully in this winter of change, that peace can grow, and maybe we can finally find a measure of comfort...if not an understanding of why.
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Even not being an USA citizen, I watched with horror and sorrow the images on TV, and don't think I'll ever forget that afternoon (Europe time).
Your poem shows the horror, the unspeakable sadness but also shows the hope that hasn't been gone in flames.
Beautiful poem and lovely form you have here dear Renee
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Dear Renee,
WOW!! This is, apart from the prayerful message, a skilfully contrived exercise iun form. The repetitions aptly serve to emphasise the depth of statement and enforce the meaning of the message.
Thankyou for including this as a non-entry in the contest. It is a worthy addition to the entries.
Applause, love and hugs, XXX Hugh (R.)
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Your Majesty
Thank You for the "WOW"! Coming from YOU, I know it is totally genuine!
Namaste †
Renee
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Dear Renee, A very lovely poem for a very sad occasion. I remember we were down our daughter Sharon's place celebrating Jasmins 18th birthday (you have spoken to her on the webcam) when the news flash came onto the TV, it stunned all of us.
Love Joan
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Oops, I guess we won't be voting for you, so I'll just thank you for showing us this wonderful poem!
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Your thoughts balance current sorrows with hope for the future, a great and wonderful contrast. I especially like "comfort that remakes the world".
The form reminds me of pantoum, which made the modifications interesting to look for. Excellent work Renee, best of luck in the voting.
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Taking My Moment Of Silence
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No one needed to guess that you were writing about the devastation and the hope of 9-11. This poem is well written and portrayed a beautiful meesage of hope surviving catastrophe. Thank you for writing it.
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Great job thank you for sharing.
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Renee, I am lost for words. This is absolutely beautiful and a fitting tribute to all who died that day. Val
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A beautiful tribute to that devastating day in history, to all that was lost, as well as to what is left behind. Beautiful form as well...I knew when I clicked I would find a beautiful hidden treasure.
Sassy
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A wonderful tribute to honor those who lost their lives for a senseless reason. Seven years later and this will not be forgotten. I'm sure somewhere in the future we will face more horror from terrorist. Hopefully it will be quelled before lives are taken. God bless to all.
Rose
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WOW, WOW WOW, AND WOW!!
Oh my god, my friend this is so touching..I got choked up reading this fantastic piece..BRAVO beautiful soul, this is excellent.
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And in the end let generations stand
To issue comfort that remakes the world
Come join to make a chain of every hand
And witness smiles on faces that unfurl
This is so, so beautiful. You did a great job, and it's certainly worthy of the awards it's won! Good luck in the next contest!! -
Beautiful Renee
As always!
It is certainly fitting to have such a unique, talented writer write an equally unique form of poetry for this occasion. This is so deserving of recognition!
Best of luck in the contest Renee!
John
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Excellent
A very fine write. Imagery, rhythm and rhyme are just fine. Thanks for sharing this one with us. Again, well done.
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Please accept my hand as well...
This was one of the best tributes in words I have heard thus far.
Your heart is definately in the right place and I for one am glad to have reveled in this work of art.
Awesome
wolf
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thanks for joining in this contest and helping me to honor those fallen heroes of 9-11
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a heartfelt and hopeful message of peace marking like an epigraph the stone of a sad day. -silver
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This is a wonderful tribute to a horrible time. Would you please enter it into my contest. I'm asking for tributes for 9-11 and I think it would be a great addition to it. I just posted it a little bit ago. You have really hit all the emotions that we feel about this time.
Great write. Thanks for sharing this
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This is a great tribute to all involved. Thank you for sharing it. Particularly today.
Slayer
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very good
I will never forget, that is for sure. And I agree with you, the time for war is over, it's time to heal. I wish more people felt this way.
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thank you for sharing - always intrested in learning
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Incredible
Original and thought provoking. Flow into your form. Thanks
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The form is intriguing. I'll have to give it a try.
Thank you for the exlpanation.
I'll send you a link when I work one up.
Hopefully it will be up to your standards. -
yeah it is a cool form, i have never tried a longer one, just have three shorter ones in file i have my three creations in my very first posting at the moment
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You Deserved this!
Congratulations on your Gold! Your heart & spirit always pen forth from the outpouring of your beautiful soul and I feel you deeply in this and that's not counting the excellent form you have also undertook in this piece.
I am honored to even be awarded next to poets like you my friend...
You definitely have it within your heart to erase the hate sweetheart!
Love ya!
~Joy
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For Gold
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This poem is just excellent. I am a freestyle poet so I too am amazed at form poetry. I like that this poem has such a spirtual aspect to it. Your picture is just lovely.
~*Snappy*~ -
Thanks for your entry
Anyone who can write in form amazes me. Your words speak truth and the impact of them is felt deep within my soul. How our wounds need the healing touch of God. World peace may never be in our grasp but there will come a day when we make it to that other shore and there we shall see and feel a peace so true and everlasting.
I encourage you to keep fighting for the peace. Be an example and a light for God.
God Bless
Tammy
Erase the Hate
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"a chain of every hand"!
A poet who works her expression in form also. Thank you for including an explanation to guide the reader in understanding what you have achieved here.
The line that speaks most to my memory from this poem is
"Billows of smoke showed anger in stark gray" Exactly how I remember it although I might not have been able to express it so well.
I like the closing of your poem as well where the sincerity and earnestness of your prayer touches the heart of this reader. An appeal to "God of great and small" that "sadness" and harshness" be "remade" in our world to bind humanity in "comfort" and "peace". Amen Yes, I appreciate that prayer very much. Jadon
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It was a moment in history that defined the character of a nation. What better way to pay tribute our collective loss than share a part of that character in your own words and form. Best wishes in the contest.
Sincerely,
Leo Long
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It has been said that mankind is doomed from the start. Filled with centuries of hatred that can never be undone. We are so blind and deaf...to others needs. If there is to be forgivness comes from within then it reaches outwards. I see your plight, and your hopes and dreams my friend. Sad state of affairs mankind really is though, for if and I do say if this will happen, it will not be in our lifetime.
~Sie
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Wow!!!!!
What a beautiful tribute and picture!!!! I love it and I thank you for your entry!!!I wish luck as well..~~Toni~~
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