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Once more my sky is grey

So much time's passed
since I had you near
since the last kiss,
since all those wasted tears

I used to love you so
you never gave a shit
your love like Cupid's bow
whose arrows hungered meat

And then one day
I understood,
scent of decay
I called you hood

'I love her' you said

'What can I do?'
I was nearly dead
but though I was blue

I never left you alone
I was always your friend
whenever you needed atone
I could always bend

Now you tell me goodbye
because just she told you so
you say 'I don't want you to cry
and don't you hang your head low'

But tell me where could I find
a place in my heart
where your memory has died
where there is a new start

You say that we'll meet again
that our friendship is tough
and there's never an end
or at least this is not

And I want to believe
but my feelings collide
to be shown my disease
and I can barely abide

 

My selfcontrol's fading

I have no thing to say

Tears my eyes invading

once more my sky is grey

 

Author notes

SELENE 3.)LOVE of all kinds. Dark,Sadistic,Gay/Lesbian/Transgender, Beautiful, Bright, Cheezy..and kindof love.

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 16 of 16

  • Poetic Obscenity
    August 3, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Wow. Simply amazing write m'dear. I've gotten true enjoyment from this. =]


  • Christina-is-crazy
    June 18, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This is a great poem, Thanks for entering my contest, and good luck,
    ♥ Christina


  • HereComesTheSun
    June 1, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    the rhyming was a little cheesy at time but good job


  • GypsyEyes
    April 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    so this is the story of my bestfriends life. wow i feel so bad for you guys! i really liked your poem though! thank you so much for entering my contest and i wish you the best of luck! NineTailedFox


  • AllYoullNeverHave
    March 14, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This is pretty good. The emotions bleed through the lines quite well. And I think a lot of people have been through this before. It sucks when you truly care about someone and they just don't feel the same. Good job and best of luck to you!

    ♥AllYoullNeverHave


  • Seraph
    March 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    The emotions and honesty in this piece are very deep. I think the rhyme scheme could use a little work, but all in all, nice write. Thanks for entering!
    -Sera-


  • Age of Rain
    March 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    The emotions of this piece are strong. It is touching and thoughtful. However, your rhyme scheme is somewhat jumbled. Some of your words are attempted near rhyme's but then don't work. "Shit" and "Meat" don't work. It think if you reworked this a freestyle it would be far superior than its current state. I think this a good first draft, and I enjoyed reading this piece.


    • Selene Tremere
      March 2, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      thx but i like it better this way and i especially like the shit/meat rhyme even if it doesn't work! XD but thanks anyway


  • MysteriousMoonlight
    December 29, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    SO beautiful!!!!!Good luck in the contest!


  • C J Weatherholt
    December 11, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    The emotions in this poem are felt by many. The rhyming in some parts is extremely forced, like you had to reword and even make some sentences jumbled to get the rhyming correct. I would have rather seen this in a free style sort of write. The emotions ring though. It was a good read. Thank you for entering my contest.


  • MysteriousMoonlight
    December 4, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Removing to close this contest. please enter in other contest

  • MysteriousMoonlight
    December 4, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I'm sorry but could you please re enter this poem in a new contest i am holding because of some error made this contest will be shut down a new one will be started same type so don't change the poem please!


  • MysteriousMoonlight
    November 19, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    I have felt this so many times and i can say it's a beautiful poem and has deep emotion


  • TaintedBeauty
    September 21, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Man...I can say I've definitely been here...and the feeling sucks. Your poem took me back to this time and made me revisit those horrible memories (the same person did this to me more than once, and I stupidly tried to continue loving him).

    "Now you tell me goodbye
    because just she told you so
    say 'I don't want you to cry
    and don't you now feeling low'" The wording here in these last two lines seemed a little awkward to me. Am I just reading this wrong?

    "And I want to believe
    but my feelings collide
    to be shown my disease
    and I can barely abide

    My selfcontrol's fading
    I have no thing to say
    Tears my eyes invading
    once more my sky is grey"
    These last two stanzas were my favorite. I really enjoyed this. Bravo!



  • Riftkin gold member
    September 12, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    And I want to believe
    but my feelings collide
    to be shown my disease
    and I can barely abide

    your rthyme is good
    love these four lines
    Riftkin


  • Swan song gold member
    September 8, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Good luck in the contest

1 - 16 of 16