When preying birds
bring squawk of sallow song
and sorrow shudders
I'll pull you closer
--if only in my heart
In a list
A contest entry
- picture this by Lavender Butterfly.
410 points, ended September 2, 2007, 7 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Enjoyable use of alliteration; also liked the repeated 'w' sounds in line 2. The final stanza fits the picture of the little girl with her teddybear.
Is the title more to do with absent family, leaving her alone to confide in her teddy during a time of 'shuddering sorrow', or something else you invisioned from the picture?
Nice use of your allowed 20 words!
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Thanks, Diane for your great comment.
The title is about finding "self" in love, by holding on to the one you love. The birds threaten to snatch away the speaker, particularly who she is in the realm of her heart, for they are birds of prey. Except, as indicated by the last line, the love isn't necessarily attainable, so the speaker is "begging" for the security she seeks in love.
The picture was used only as inspiration for my own thoughts and doesn't exactly reflect the meaning of my poem. However, there are some similarities.
Thanks so much for visiting my poem and for your insightful questions.
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Excellent use of metaphor from the viewpoint of cicadas! Love the alliteration. That last line is sad and unexpected. Makes the piece ring with emotion.
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This is so lovely, I love the alliteration and the soft sounds that run together, beautifully sad and yet love extends in waiting arms waiting to hold you safely. Excellent piece. Hugs, Bunny
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Wow~ Such a touching piece. Beautiful and captivating... congrats on the silver.
Candy
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How beautifully endearing... x
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