Smoking Gun

The day I first lit a cigarette
Drew my first nicotine breath
Such a high all dizzy and heady
All my friends did it now so do I
Each day that passed the high was less
Yet I was hooked and didn’t want to stop

People complained I stank too them
Friends moved on to other things
But I stayed with my only friend
He lived inside of me growing
Painting my lungs with sticky tar
Ruling my life with hacking coughs
But still I dragged on consuming more

Soon I was on a pack a day burning dollars
Like water I poured my cash into my lungs
Everyday my thoughts turned to sour ash
My teeth turned from white to deep yellow
Yet when I tried to quit anger crapped a whip
Soon friends faded away like the stale smoke

Again another cigarette lit and soon half burned
Stress relieved but depression deepening
I have been pushing family away too
And yes I have looked at the final solution
The dark end to my self destruction
Maybe I am losing this war with no one to blame
I fight a the demon which I created every day
I locked the door and trapped my feelings within
Closed my nicotine blood stained eyes
And still no solution as to why I smoke and stress
Even writing this I want to light up again
I wonder what’s gona kill me first?
My depression or cigarettes.
My life is like Russian roulette
And my depression is the smoking gun.