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A hot scorching sun from the horizon arose
as shyly we removed our sweaty wet clothes,
then seeing you before me as nude as day,
lust consumed my mind saying time to play.
Pink pointed breasts thrust enticingly free,
jiggling in unison tantalizing and teasing me,
a soft furred mound bristled with curly hair,
sensual delights awaited deep within there.
I grasped your body as burning desire built,
penetration utterly completed to burning hilt,
copious seeds of conception were hotly spilt,
flowing freely without regret or sign of guilt.
Ecstatic moans and groans echoed in the air,
as our motions swirled your soft flowing hair,
ardour was unleashed without caution or care,
a lone blazing bright heat of which I was aware.
And when the fire had finally almost burned out,
we had experienced deep love without any doubt,
for we had reached the deepest chasms of hell,
and almost caused it to be incinerated as well.
.
.
.
A contest entry
- DREAMS IN WORDS by Silent Cougar.
950 points, ended September 2, 2007, 7 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Pulsing Stimulation by adsaige.
300 points, ended November 24, 2007, 14 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Cumm and Play by sensualbutterfly.
775 points, ended August 22, 2008, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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Very nicly done. Thanks for the entry
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HEAT OF THE SUN
You asked me to email you ..I wrote Heat of the Sun ... and also want to thank you for the bronze trophy which is much appreciated.
Warm regards,
Bazza -
Judged
Um, lovely imagery, and though rhyming gets my penguin, the way you flowed with this piece was so beautiful in it's sensuality, flowing enticing direction of the title, heat of the sun. Good luck, and welcome to the FINALIST list. -
when I first read this I was like 'wow that is a little steamy' and I had to fetch myself a nice cool drink and then I read it again and thought 'wow that is steamy I am glad I have a cool drink'.
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Congratulations on your HM.You are certainly in a cheery mood at the moment.Good on you.This raised a smile for me today, Ros
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I haven't read a lot of erotic poetry and did find it a bit intense but it was very good. The last two lines were very striking and beautifully capture the whole essence of the poem which i thought was brilliant! The ideas were very thought-provoking and interesting.
Well Done! -
hahaha, those last two lines are fuxing classic... oh well done, i gotta tell my mates about that. ummm... actual concrit... well, certain lines didnt flow as well as perhaps they could have, like the rhyming pattern got thrown out of wack a bit cuz of an exess/ lack of syllables... also a little too blunt for my liking, but you still manage to retain some perverted sense of class throughout the whole thing... so well done, and again, those last two lines... omg
"for we had reached the deepest chasm of hell,
and almost caused it to be incinerated as well."
you rock!!!!!
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Writing in rhyme can be tricky and deadly in so many ways: bad rhythm, forced rhyme, worn-out rhyme, etc. Reading your work out loud (especially into a tape recorder) can expose its flaws with brutal honesty. You are taking all that force and trying to make a round word fit into a square line, and it sounds ridiculous and trite. Spend some time reading good formal poetry to see how the established poets would have handled the phrasing problems that you display in your poem.
For me, this is anything BUT sensual or erotic. You have taken a beautiful theme and turned it into chopped liver.
And when is the sun scorching at sunrise? And why are your clothes sweaty and wet first thing in the morning? Did you sleep in them? This must have been an all-day session as in the penultimate verse, it is suddenly night!! Deep love?? Hahahaaa...
Burn on ~ icyfox
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Comment to a nit picker.named icyfox
Well I read your author's page to understand how you had so much knowledge and profound wisdom and found nothing .. absolutely nothing to show your qualifications to write such petty comments. One of your poems even has a glaring typo so I think you should wait until you grow up and have the runs on the board before you pick others to pieces. I don't give a damn about your opinion and so it is of no consequence to me . I take such garbage as a compliment by a jealous sore loser who has very little apparent talent. Show by example and write a good rhyming piece that will show your talent and I will listen, but until then ......
A few loose word combinations ...and you are an expert ???? Show us how good you are then....
Cold wet snowy England is not the only place on earth and maybe you should take your narrow little mind to learn about places where there is a scorching hot sun ... anyway, chopped liver means more to me than your petty nit picking comment. Grow up honey.
It also seems strange why you would go to the trouble to record such a bad poem .... grow up !! we didn't come down in the last shower. You should also learn the Queen's english and use correct puntuation in your tirade, so maybe you are not what you make out to be ehh ?? Want to be blocked again ?? I don't think there would be much on earth that could be erotic to you anyway.
Bazza
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ooooo and awwwww....
Must read more of your poems!
*PEACE*
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This Was HOT! Mucho Caliente....LOL.... congrats on the HM... and a lovely description/impression of the graphic... peace and harmony...desi
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"Fear no more the heat of the sun"
One presumes the title was an intentional prompt thus the prompt comment below leaves one slightly at sea ...
In respect of this particular variation on a theme perhaps in place of incinerated one's mind wanders towards IN SIN (VEN) E RATED ...? -
scorching...
Very hot piece of writing mate and a worthy trophy winner indeed! Some very steamy imagery helped along by clever word choices!
Well done!
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Nicely Done
Such intence romance and love making it was beautiful. Those are definitely peek moments I've shared, I've been so lucky! I felt such great emotions of passion and tenderness as well as wonderfully romanced! I love the title and the first sentence then the last line complements the poem to complition! Excellent Write!! It took my breathe away! Thank you for sharing your gift!
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Yet another excellent write Truly a very passionate and sensual piece of poetry. Well done and congrats on the HM
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Erotic and sensual. I love this. The rhyme and flow are both wonderfully smooth. The imagery is magnificent. Congratulations on the HM.
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I mean to give you bunnies and don't think I did.
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My favorite line is :
as ardour unleashed without caution or care,
for this is the way it should feel, not as if some dirty act or deed incinerated in hell. I liked the whole flow and rhythm within this poem. Good luck in this contest. :
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