Sailing on this small floating jail,
My heart will break without a fail
The slaves board the ship with much dread
I drum to the beat of the dead
A plauge is cought down in the hold
Making the cargo very bold;
They jump in the sea, their last bed
I drum to the beat of the dead
Keening thier grief of those that died
The slaves have cried until red-eyed
Hugs and words of comfort are said
I drum to the beat of the dead
Sailing on this small floating jail,
I drum to the beat of the dead
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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rhythmic and dark
Lovely rhythmic poem, goes on as the beat of that drum..inspiring write..a true weaver here we have..
magical write...I loved this little tale..
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The rhyme scheme is beautiful, it does become a little choppy at times but you recover extremely well. The imagery is powerful, with the small jail floating along. Great job! Keep writing!
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This is a great theme for a poem. I like your repeat line at the end of the final stanza. You have a few typos, such as line 5, should be plague.
Line 7, final would sound better than last. Remember to show rather than tell as much as possible. You are a good writer already, with good ideas, and will only become better.
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you know i think you did a great job on this peom, i liked it, there is something missing about it thou, and it sucks but i don't know wht word for it, keep it flowing
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