Golden hued clouds gather.
Fresh, crisp scented rain,
lazily begins to tumble,
tantalizing wonderment.
Like a giddy young child,
observing with growing expectancy.
The rain finally reaches
this field of ice pinnacles.
Washing down each frozen stem,
one loud crack, followed by another,
rising to a crescendo.
Awakening life applauds the new spring.
Ice crumbles, falls as a fine powdered snow,
as each long hidden flowers’
deep lavender petals twist.
Opening like a huge ancient propeller,
violet filaments and crimson pistil,
gratefully unfurl to accept nourishment.
Wide smile spreads unbridled,
hidden under my pressure suit,
as wistful memory floods,
of beautiful spring days
in the distant days of my youth.
Upon the planet of my birth.
Author notes
Something a little different for me. Something I haven't written in a long time.....sci-fi/fantasy.
A contest entry
- The POM ~* ~* by Arkbear.
700 points, ended September 3, 2007, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - AP Book Contest-- get published! by tinuelena.
900 points, ended September 19, 2007, 30 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
This is not bad........
....however....I wish there could have been a little more focus...
....or more emphasis on your topic ~
The array of imagery was nice and vivid. but it seemed like
you were all over the board with this Theme ~
You gave it a shot and did well....but I can't scream POM!!!
...and 700 points and Silver membership are at stake as well ~
I hope you try again in the POD ~
Bear ~
Title 8.6
Flow 8.5
Depth 9.4
Theme 9.3
Feelings 8.2
Grammar 9.1
Presentation 9.2
Uncommonness 9.3
Sit & Ponder Affect 8.7
Ability to follow Rules 10
Bears Score: 90.3
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Thank you very much. Out of curiosity (and with an eye on helping me improve), could you clarify and give me some advise on your points concerning emphasis, focus and other points concerning this piece?
Many thanks.
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