I stood in a parking lot
bits of trash blew by
weeds grew out of concrete cracks
only but to die
And a flower grew
It spoke to me
with beauty and grace
How can it be
in such a place
It changed my life
for now I see
beauty in my misery
A flower grew
without a care
no one knew
that it was there
Author notes
bluecollarlove===grand theft autum
A contest entry
- BACK FOR ANOTHER TRY by Tempa Lee.
600 points, ended May 11, 2008, 22 entries
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Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 36 of 36
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Love the metaphor.
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Thank you for entering my contest. I'm looking forward to the final judging round. Best of luck, Götz
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This is really beautiful. It makes a person wonder how often we miss seeing the beauty around us bcuz we aren't looking. How many times have I not noticed something amazing bcuz I was too consumed with my misery?
Take care.
Monica
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just one suggestion: I would change the only but to die,
to waiting just to die ... just a thought and thank you for entering the contest -
Originality: (10/10)
Emotion: (8/10)
Poetic devices: (15/20)
Structure/flow: (8/10)
Cohension: (7/10)
Title relating to poem: (8/10)
Personal opinion: (8/10)
Syntax: (7/10)
Diction: (7/10)
Total:78/100 -
This is a delightful little rhyme. Very nicely done. A nice slice of life. Thank you for entering my contest.
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i love the last stanza.
there are no words for this.
it is short and sweet, and bitter at the same time.
i love it -
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Thank you very much.I am a bit fond of this myself.
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Yes
I enjoyed this read very much, it was poetic and descriptive, capturing the scene perfectly. Life bombards us with troubles and woes, but all we can do is suck it up and keep at it.
a lovely read
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Hmmm....
The basis of the song "Rose in Spanish Harlem" - a '50s/'60s song (pop). Always loved it. It continues where you left off: "I'm going to pick that rose, and watch her as she grows - in my garden." Lovely touch.
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It changed my life
for now I see
beauty in my misery
My favorite bit to this poem, the beauty in misery, I wish I could find that but all I find is misery. A short yet meaningful poem, wonderful. Thank you for entering my contest. -
Really wonderful moment you described. Great poem.
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beautiful, so short but sweet and true as well, best of luck
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Thanks for entering!!
Great write...
write on and on!
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very interesting, and thought provoking. Isn't it sad that the world is so cruel and harsh to all things beautiful? good job, and good luck in my contest.
-Twila -
Thanks for entering.
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Great idea/message - well expressed
Pretty good. -
WOW!!! that is really good. Great job!
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loe seems to be the same, growing with out intervention..Thank you!
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JUST BEAUTIFUL!!!!
I have often myself found such plants or flowers growing up from cracks in sidewalks or pavement. They look so lonely there and I wonder how they managed to survive.
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Ah, there is always beauty in misery, hope in despair and life in destruction. And yet the majority see nothing. They survey this wasteland that they have created and feel no remorse and do not strive for hope; they merely continue their existance. Stagnating. If all of us, once in a while, could stop and look around us for the beauty of the world that we have spoilt with our vomit of modernity, I'm sure our lives would be enriched by the act. This is a simple write and the message is clear. And it made me smile.
Thanks for the entry -
i've read this poem before...and everytime i feel inspired...to look for the beauty in my own misery. great write.
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Nice to hear from you
I think you just made me think even though I wrote it.It really is true I guess.
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WOW I LOVED IT GOOD LUCK IN THE CONTEST
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I like the concept of this poem, but I have to agree with Slitt that the language was too simplistic and the flow was off especially for a metaphor that I have seen a few times before. More imagery would have made this much better, but I did enjoy reading it.
Thanks for entering. Good luck in my contest and in the New Year. -
very lovely esp the last stanza
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i really like this. it's really really simple, but not simplistic. that's something that most people never understand, that a poem can be simple, but to be good it can't be simplistic.
this reminds me of "American Beauty", specifically the scene with the trash bag blowing in the wind. just out of curiosity, did that movie run through your head when you wrote this? anyway, on to the poem.
no one line really stands out to me, but the poem as a whole adds up to something pretty great. the first stanza is awesome, love the last line "only but to die". "concrete cracks" is great too. i'm more and more impressed with all the feelings and thoughts this is provoking with so few words and seemingly simple ideas. honestly, this is a real accomplishment that i would be really proud of. the ending line, and stanza for that matter, is perfect too! god i love it.
lastly, i just want to say that this is not exactly confusing, but complex in a different way. it's simple content makes me think about things that are not simple at all. great job, and i'm very glad i got to read this.
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I believe way too many people get caught up in trying to do too much instead of raw emotion.Thank you very much for seeing where I'm coming from.
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nice poem i would call it free verse
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I always found it interesting that if we don’t walk on the earth, it terraforms. It’s almost as if the earth is a big garage, or storage cell for souls. We can’t possibly fathom the tolls to open the gates, so we asphyxiate on our own fumes, but enough of my philosophical rhetoric. I really enjoyed reading your piece, but I felt your wording was bit on the simple side. It’s an admirable concept, however there’s limitless potential to elaborate.
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I like it. It's short but it makes a wonderful point. Although, I will have to give my full thoughts tomorrow.
~I liked that metaphor of the flower for human life. People really should just do what they think is best no matter where they are. Either way, I liked it and best of luck. -
Eh, I understand the experience that you're referring to in this piece, but the piece is missing something. It expresses an unique perspective, but I think the language is a bit forced or plain for the concept.
I think the pace of the first two stanzas clash with the last two. Everything seems rushed towards the end.
Overall, it was a good piece, and I really appreciate the originality in perspective. Nice write.
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this is a very beautiful poem, as i read i just pictured two people just meeting new love blossoming beautiful poem good luck in you contests
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Thanks so much for this
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Very beautiful poem..Loved the feel of it!
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this is nice. it is kind of different from your normal style and i like it. it really stands out to me. good write. =D
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