My head tipped over,
you fell out-
A fractured smile detoured
along the path of least resistance
skipped my way through
tragedy and heartache
never giving consequences
a second thought
incantations of ritual
reform were therapy
to positive analytical
experimentation
retracing steps filled with
abandoned hopes and swollen
eyes glistening like whispers
of Sapphire blue desire
my reality curled like lashes
and slowly folded into itself,
too blue to be a crayon and
knowing forever was forever gone-
A mere drop of yesterday, not
enough to quench thirst
trying to forget my mistake
and our love affair that sparkled
like fools gold in the sunshine
days of my mind
caressing my final goodbye
slipping away quietly like a
thief in the night
Author notes
You said write so write I did. I hope I didn't violate any of your rules...lol. All comments and critiques welcome.
A contest entry
- No Pretense by JustBe.
1107 points, ended October 13, 2007, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
-
Liked the flow of these lines, the metaphors used, the word combinations. Great opening lines - grabs one's attention right off the bat.
-
PLEASE do not remove your entry. I do plan to give you quality commentary, and I am sorry it has taken me this long. to even say this much. This is easily the hardest contest I have judged, if you did not win, then that means only just slightly more than nothing, as far as this judge is concerned.
-
Wonderful
Very well done. Terrific descriptions. Best of luck in the contest.
-
this is excellent hun and I absolutely love the 5th stanza-masterful...great imagery and metaphors that are intense like you-Bravo Becky!
-
A very honest and intense poem ...
with lovely metaphors ...
One suggestion, though [and please see this as merely a suggestion!]: try to avoid empty words in the very important last-word-in-a-line position e.g. words like with, and, not, a.
Otherwise, a write filled with closure and acceptance.
Good luck in this contest.
Myra
Adding your comment:
1 - 5 of 5
