Sometimes days and nights
are waiting to become whole
before it can be visual to the soul.
Memory files them away
till death
turns to Day.
And such was his kiss.
After ten years in angry withdrawal
it finally whispered its passion
in eyes
with lips apart
carried by the gift
of his last
breath.
In a list
A contest entry
- No Pretense by JustBe.
1107 points, ended October 13, 2007, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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PLEASE do not remove your entry. I do plan to give you quality commentary, and I am sorry it has taken me this long. to even say this much. This is easily the hardest contest I have judged, if you did not win, then that means only just slightly more than nothing, as far as this judge is concerned.
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What could be more memorable than that final kiss of death? On my level, this is intensely sad. Good luck in the contest.
Sincerely,
Leo Long
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The line about his kiss hits you because it's unexpected- just like some of the best kisses in life! Good luck!
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All your work has such deep meaning and you instill such a twinge of emotion that the readers heart is moved. Another sad write today. I do pray that you're ok.
Love,
Amera♥
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You paint so many scenes with this, an angry father, husband etc who only realises the error of his ways at the last moment before his life ebbs, it is hauntingly sad. Love, C
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Some instants in life explain decades of struggling in which we were unable to see what we needed to see. The shells preventing us from seeing will be removed, the walls around our hearts, the blocked synapses in our brain, as an act of mercy by GOD who suffers each and every of our pains like we do. None of the agony and abuse in this world was ever wished for or created by the One who created our essence, that was trapped and betrayed in the illusion of life, which is not the life HE created for us. But GOD is fighting to lead us back to First Creation, HIS magnificent work of art. Ack,
Chris
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beautiful
After ten years
it finally whispered its passion
with lips apart
carried by the gift
of his last
breath.
lovelovelove. excellent :]
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I don't know. Maybe it was the last poem in the contest...now I'm just thinking Kurt Cobain...kurt Cobain.
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beautiful and awesome! i don't know if i should cry or smile. very moving write. you are amazing.
blessings *stomps
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Love that first line...days and nights waiting to become whole...brilliant really unique and sets the tone right off for this piece. Great ending as well.
Best of luck to you
Becky
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