I would give it all back

I cut myself,
drawn under by the pain it gives me.
Holding on to the filling.

Wishing that I could wake up from this dream.
Hoping that someone will wake me,
from this nightmare.

I sit in the darkness of my mind,
and dwell of the past mistakes I've made.
Wishing I could take it back.

Tell those that I hurt that I's sorry.
Have that one last chance to spend with my mom,
and hold those close that I love.

If I could I would rewind time just to have that chance.
Take everything back I did wrong.
Walk the straight path in my life.

Try better and become better.
In the darkness of my mind I blame myself for everything.
Wishing I would have begged for 24 more hours.

Said what was on my mind when I wanted to say it.
Maybe if I had tried harder I would have been able to save her.
I would have tried harder.

I could have kept my family together.
Stopped all the yelling, and screaming.
I could have embraced the darkness,

But I fell from it, in the mist of everything.
Wanting nothing more than to help those around me,
Wishing I could have said something.

I bit my tongue that night so hard I tasted blood.
I blamed him for my mothers death.
Not once did I blame myself for not trying harder to stop it.

It has all come crashing down on me tonight,
no matter how many times I cut the same spot it wont bleed.
The wound is dried up, and dead.

I emotions sneak up on me at times,
I want nothing more than to break down and cry.
Sometimes I believe that I'm slowly slipping away.

When I do know one try to save me,
sometimes it feels like the world is on my shoulders.
If I had the opportunity I would give it all back.

I wouldn't sit around and watch as things go by me faster than I want.
I act like shit don't faze me, but inside it drives me crazy.

My insecurity's could eat me alive,
if I would let it.
I hold back the anger and the frustration every-time.

Wanting nothing more than to tell you that you need to wake up,
to tell my mom that I know she fucked up but I still loved her.
To tell my real father that I don't what the hell I did to him but I wish he would see me as his daughter.

I want nothing more than to let the bite marks on my tongue to heal,
but every-time they do I bite it again and hold what I have to say back.

If there was some way that I could take it all back I would.
I would let everyone know how much they have hurt me.
Let the ones I love know that I loved them more.

Tell those who were childish to grow the hell up.
Let those people know to stop holding me back.
Take the opportunity's that I had but let them slip through my fingers.

I would give it all back,
for just 24 more hours with all those lost memories.
The memories I pushed so far back I have forgotten them.

To those that have held me back in the past,
I hated you for what you had done.
But I soon woke up,

I noticed that all my hatred was based on myself.
for never saying anything.
For putting my dreams and life on hold for them.

I should have given up on them and went on my life,
but I couldn't force myself to do so.
I wanted there happiness.

But in the end I could never forgive myself,
for never letting out my feelings.
And telling those that I loved what I felt.