there was a
house over
many bridges
in very little
words
it spoke with
mouths that
shaped in
ages over
pages over time
and had it
been a writer
it would have
owned the
world
but
the pirates
owned
And never
loaned to
slave girls
I knew
you and
shade well
enough to
see the
blanks beneath
the sunglasses
when you
would board
the windows
before a storm
sometimes I
would look
between
them and
see what
it was doing
before the
children
in the
attic made
me leave
Author notes
"What we have here is, a failure to communicate."
-Cool Hand Luke
A contest entry
- children by hilly.
300 points, ended September 14, 2007, 10 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Love the poem and where you took the contest mandate with style,especially liked the second stanza,the piece is worth reading and re reading in it's entirety.I agree with the advice proffered by Di,the quote in the author notes could work well as an intro and part and parcel of this without detracting from your own voice.Kudos.
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I really like this. The title immediately caught my attention and I can see how it's related to children. This poem has a great metaphor and good other metaphors inside it. It is very eloquent and smart, though at a first glance I couldn't have told the meaning. However, seeing that quote I went back and it is really neat and it makes perfect sense. If I might make a suggestion, I think that quote would work better as motto, so people like me don't need to go back to understand. Though going back on it is nice and I'll bookmark this.
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