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Brims, devouring.

Fire brims.
The shaking petals
transluminous,
devouring,
spew from cracks in earth
and composure.

Rage quivers with
adrenarush:
barely
controlled;

Reeling.


Rolls like hurricane,
throw rocks that rain
like HAIL
and Hell hath nothing on this.

This kiss
which rocks eternal bliss
and shakes Gods gates like
Judas.

This fist
- clenched hand, raised arm -
closed fist, strikes

(this is abuse)

not on her face,
but deeper -


brokenwindow.
scattered shattered
shards stick deep
and slice
embraces in
ha lf.

Author notes

Lugh
pencil

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 7 of 7

  • Amici
    March 9, 2008

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    A poignant description of a fleeting moment of bitter-sweet intensity that lingers in the mind of the reader. Love your title - a fitting metaphor for unrequited love. A soft poem. ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥


  • bloodpoet13
    March 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    i love the words that u used. i love when u used transluminous. extreme talent here. i enjoyed reading. the title rocks too

    • Lugh
      March 8, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      thanks so much! When i get a chance, ill pop over and read a couple of yours! thanks
      x


  • just mercedes gold member
    December 29, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    fiery, strong, barely controlled. My favourite /adrenarush/ A great picture of the rage that takes over and controls, like magma from beneath the earth. /scattered shattered shards stick deep/ another great line for me - I work with glass, this is so appropriate. Great write.


  • hindsight20-20
    December 10, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    and Hell hath nothing on this.

    That line right there won me over.
    I imagine this an abuse poem..Emotional or some other.

    Good portrayal
    Thanks for the read.


  • Merry Christmas
    August 31, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is a good poem but I'm going to have to remove it from the contest. I had to change my age just to view it.

    • Lugh
      August 31, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      I apologise! I may try and do a different one! I didnt even think of that when I wrote this!

1 - 7 of 7