In the ocean waves
we sailed
through life's sorrows,
even in the downward sway
we didn't fall over broad
we clung to each other,
as swans in a ferrous storm
always knowing
each others soothing
expectation,
but in the wakes
of thunder you
were taken
dwelling in the sorrows
of the dark waters
awaiting
some kind wisdom.
An afflicted agony
burdens the soul.
There is only one who has
the words
to sooth this inner
bitterness.
No strength
to go on without
your insight.
Death is becoming
a lone widow
of nothingness
In feelings to die.
A contest entry
- When the waves break in the ocean. by Centri.
475 points, ended September 24, 2007, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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hmmm, the want to feel the cold embrace of death after leaving a relationship, not unheard of, but then again, I have never seen it put down in such a way, very good.
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well done
what a teriffic poem you have written here. i wish you well in this contest that ;you have entered and am looking forward to reading more from you in the near future. viyanna rosemarie -
Okay, very lovely imagery in this at the beginning, but you start to lose it in the end when you focus on personification of death and you.
You kept this succint; I like that because a lot of poems like this don't seem to know when to stop, you know? You get some three page nightmare about love or sorrow you can't make heads or tails of, but this one is smooth.
Me likey!
~ts~
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Oh, no, I'm saying this ISN'T over dramaticized. I'm saying you did great keeping that from happeneing, because many poems like this can get that way....
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