lurid lights and glossy mirrors-
that’s all that’s left of this tale
a story that manifested itself
upon a stage of idealism
(I wasn’t made to perform)
you are the twisted director,
the producer and cast
all rolled into that last horror scene.
With leering clowns and
perverted nursery rhymes
(I’m more innocent than you thought)
you held me ransom
in front of a crowd
of malicious faces
with your script and cast
doomed to fail-
why give me no speaking role?
(I was too nervous to protest)
then I quit your sacred theatre
and sought a new drama
called life
I’d lived in a trance for months
suffocated by your
miasmic smokescreen façade
and plasticized psychology
(you’ve an inability to understand)
you held me at the curtain call
and as the greatest felon of us all
you said I was unable to feel
yet those words ripped me forever
you tried to touch me, hold me,
pinch my cheeks so hard
I couldn’t scream ‘stop’
or become one with the stage
(I’m just a vulnerable little girl)
lurid lights and glossy mirrors-
With leering clowns and
perverted nursery rhymes
of malicious faces and a
miasmic smokescreen façade
that's all that's left of this tale
I wasn’t made to perform
I’m more innocent than you thought
I was too nervous to protest
you’ve an inability to understand
I’m just a vulnerable little girl
(please don’t hurt me anymore)
Author notes
Well this really is a weird one.
I won't explain it all, I'm interested to see what anyone thinks and if any meaning can be gleaned from it. So if you read it please comment...just on what you think.
Basically it is about a friend I made, who seemed to think of me as some sort of exotic figure...or material object to look at (she is the director of the façade).
When I started to drift away from her and hang out with other friends she seemed to view me as her own possession and hated me for the fact that I was hanging out with others. She tried to indicate this to me by writing dinky little letters in class and giving them to me - they always seemed like a joke and not serious at all. And really I didn't care, they were just comments about how I wasn't sitting by her (the teacher had moved us away from each other).
She's really a nice person but most of the time I felt she was sucking me in and holding me near her by my throat. And now I seem to dislike everything about her, it's as if I'm seeing her clearly for the first time but then again little things that wouldn't usually annoy me do with her.
I can't seem to hate her, yet can't seem to love her either.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Nice job, but needs work
I think this was an interesting read. You definitely have it going with the theatrical jargon, but it might be a little overdone at some parts. Which brings to mind.. maybe you could fit in "dress rehearsal"; it only seems fitting with the whole masqueraded undertones of the poem.
What I didn't like: the first stanza. I can see some relevance, sort of like a dramatic prologue with foreshadowing and whatnot, but I think the whole thing can be omitted. Also, the paranthetical lines need to be deleted too. They, like the first stanza, correlate to the style of the poem, being equivalent to asides in a play. But this is not a play, it's a poem, and you should describe not tell.
What I did like: the sixth stanza. It was well-written, and stood out a head's length above the rest. This one stanza sums up everything you said in the rest of the poem. If you could take what very little you have there and work from that, I think this could be a great piece.
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...wow. This is an amazing piece of writing. Well done. She must have meant a great deal to you at one stage, because this is a very powerful write. In life you will meet many people who will be like a social vampire and drain you of affection, energy and then discard you. I love the images of the play, it's very good, a lot of the time life does seem like just smoke and screens doesn't it. Keep on writing.
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Thankyou
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im in a rush so I'll book mark this and leave a better comment later. ty and goodluck! -
not sure what to say
i know for one I liked it, its hard to sometime see people for what they truly are in the beginning but after time you start to see things that dont really fit. These are the ones you have to be weary of sometimes the hopeless romantic may be the evil stalker but then again who really knows -
Very interesting. Unlike anything I've ever read...and don't mistake that as a bad thing. What an intriguing situation, from my stand point. In some way I am sure she was siphoning energy from you, in one form or another...depending on how deep you want to go. Be mindful of this through out life...and keep up the good work!
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yes in a way she was, ty for you comment
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