I wait in the shadows for my vampyr to show.
He is here, I can feel him,
when will he show himself?
With a sudden flash he is upon me,
neck turned to expose my virgin throat.
As he takes my blood I am deathly turned on,
My desire is insatiable.
I am wet with passion.
The piercing pain is mesmerizing and I need more.
He drinks enough to change me, not kill me.
I looked at my Sir, the being that has changed my life into a welcome blyss of darkness.
Handsome and brooding, what a leathal combination.
As fast as he came was as fast as he left,
leaving me standing there with throbbing pain and blood lost.
Finally my desire was filled,
I am now one with the night,
I am now a princess of the darkness.
A contest entry
- MY HUMONGOUSLY AWESOME KINDAH FANTASY CONTEST! by HarvesterOfHearts.
700 points, ended September 7, 2007, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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"I looked at my Sir, the being that has changed my life into a welcome blyss of darkness."
I LOVE that line. This piece is really dark, and I've always had a love for that genre. You wrote this very good. In the ending line, I think I would remove the "now", because it is already said in the line before, and repeating it doesn't sound good. At least not to me!
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that sounds so much more natural now. i am always up for giving poems another look over... the added lines gove the poem so much more...
goodjob!
~lostelvenchild -
this is a good piece. i love vamp poems. and the imagery is asounding. but just one thing... the ending... where night finishes the last two lines... it sounds kindof strange to me...
good luck!
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Well written, I enjoyed the read as usual....Keep up the GREAT work!!
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