I always thought I'd know how to say goodbye, but I don't.
and I waited for him to speak,
but when it finally opened, there was nothing,
just a great jumble, a chaos through which
these words fell:
YOU RUINED MY LIFE
and i think that that's not what happened at all, you asshole. You fucking angel with your helpless cares, no strings, just broken broken bits.
Yeah, I have no idea what you are.
((I think about him everyday, and then I found out that he'd taken me off his msn, and his aim, and maybe it's stupid that it bothers me, but it does.
And the last time I wrote something that he really read, I was in a foreign lounge, with tears streaming down my face at midnight - this loneliness is going to kill me.))
I don't cry, I just think.
haha, yes, "I think of you and I cut myself".
etc.
etc.
etc.
I use the knife you gave me for my birthday.
((they told me not to, but i love you. i fucking love you, you stupid fucking bastard.))
please die.
Author notes
i don't know. i don't know anything. I sit here and I think how he's over it, but here I am still trying to get myself together. and I cut myself trying to understand what's happening inside me, and he's having the time of his fucking life.
just fuck, you know? fuck fuck FUCK FUCK FUCK
after all this, he says I ruined his life. I mean, I think he's got this twisted, he ruined MY life. I sit around cutting myself, trying to find the truth, and I wait for him to call and say he still cares if I'm alive, and I find that the only truth is that everybody has to die eventually. so why not?
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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ahhhhhhhh stop pleaaase. Your writes are actually digging into me now, like I read them & I know the stories and I keep thinking that maybe you will eventually forget but you hold on to your emotions they are just burrowed so deeply. & its like you just intensify with all this built up anger, sadness, loneliness, & i don't even know all the things you are feeling. Maybe you aren't even feeling, maybe you just are throbbing with some sort of sting. Anyway this situation sounds twisted beyond repair, I don't know how you will ever heal yourself. But I believe you can somehoe because you are beautiful & even though you are so hurt you still manage to sprawl it out onto the page in words I find an aching beauty in.
My favorite part of this anyway, or the part that really affected me was the bit about the last thing he read was the the letter you wrote in a foreign lounge. I didn't really know what that was about but the words were just stomped into the page like handprints in the mud and I just felt it. ♥
Well I care that you are alive, and that probably doesn't help at all..and I wish you would I don't even know what I wish for you. I wish he was sorry he left, or maybe that he never existed to do this to you. And its horrible how he can say you ruined his life. I mean you both wrecked eachother but I dont think he's could possibly be hurting as bad as you right now.
♥ elephant parades of love ♥
please forget just for a moment and be happy.
o.0
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i can forget for a moment, but it always leaves me. thanks for the thoughts <3
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i hope gets the brain worms disease and falls over like a rotting corpse.
dont fret dear..
i hate to say this but everything takes time.
the time that passes dulls all pains.
they may never leave but they will eventually be put aside for more important things.
♥
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Wow. I'm sorry that there really isn't anything I can say to make you feel better. But even while ranting, this is such a beautiful, poetic piece. I'm sure things will look up soon. <3
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Life will get better.
I just know it.
I'm glad that you can get your frustrations out by writing, though.
It's meaningful.
Good write, my friend.
xx.
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