jumped off rings
earth never knew
it had
into space, into darkness,
into the transactions
of air without
real
air
did God create this celestial haven
to show us what heaven
will look like when
Luna & Terra
aren’t spoofing the angels
for any last bit
of alcoholic
stardust?
cosmic dust chokes my sight
& reminds me
its like being in the real world
here in the fantasy…
constellations connecting my thoughts
torn down by the melancholy
of terrestrial-media-like
voices
[by & by the meteoroids]
& the skies darkened
to find themselves
naked
in a world thought to be theirs
they’re just hydrogen & nitrogen!
their aurora shimmers
to that
kid-who-lost-his-parents
kind of
fear
& while all of the universe is focusing
on the tragic tales
of some chameleon super model
atmosphere
stars fall & planets die
from super nova spreading
humanity, like the butter
on toast spiced by the brim
of cosmic dust
Author notes
Okay, so its REALLY bad. But I havent written much in over a month now, so I'm still dusting myself off xD.
A contest entry
- Round one of four by Fire Opal, grannyeri, jess09stevenson, x Empathic Rose x, and IndividualEleven. by IndividualEleven.
800 points, ended September 8, 2007, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Shoot.
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
-
very good, it one of the best free write poems I've read, alot of people sacrafice meaning or their intended goal to sound very poetic, and as beautiful as their write may sound, its empty, but on the other hand most free writes tend to focus too much on the meaning and the direction that they want to go that they sacrafice beauty, I see none of that here, you have clear meaning, which is right on theme A+++, and direction but still poetically written with the use of metaphors and imagery, well done. -IndividualEleven.
-
~ Hood Winks ^ ~
This is an incrediable fun write~ you've carried me a way with your words~ AWESOME JOB!
-
deep
i like how you compared different things to get your meaningful point across. good job. -
Lovely. I'm loving the scientific perspective to this piece. I do not think you've lost your touch; dust or no dust this is great.
Best of luck in the contest.
DancingRed.
-
-
awww, thank-you
-
-
i don't see now dust anywhere, just a shine that makes me need my shades, you did a great job on this, keep it flowing and good luck in the contest
-
-
thank-you
-
-
sounds like you came back as your old self to me.. mustn't have been too much dust there...
-
-
oh trust me, this poem proves the dust-level
-
-
Peoochow
You're a genius.
-
-
i wish i could think so. thanks for the comment & claps.
-
-
Enjoyed reading this entry using these words from the word bank- liked the flow, the brevity of the lines and the unusual way you ended this poem - very creative. Thanks for entering, good luck in the contest.
-
-
thanks grannyeri..
.. havent talked to you in a while
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 13 of 13
