my name is susan myers im 10 years old
i must be ugly
i must be dumb
thats probly why daddys always mad at me
i hear the front door open its mum
maybe if im nice enough i will only get one wipping
i hear dad parking the car into the drive way
I run into the closet and hide
dad walks into the house and yells my name
i hug my teddy and step back into the darkness
and hold my breath hopeing he wont hear me
but its too late dad finds me
he grabs my hand and pulls me out and screems ugly words
he says its my fault hes always having trouble at work
i then manage to break free from his grip and run to open the door
but he manages to catch up he throws me to the ground
"DADDY IM SORRY I DIDNT MEAN TOO!"
but its too late his face was all red and fulled with anger.
my name is susan myers
im 10 years old
tonight my daddy murded me
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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This is really sad.
It kinda reminds me of those chain bulletins on Myspace.
There's a lot of meaning behind it.
I'm very against child abuse...
I'd kill any mother fucker I knew who would dare hurt the most inncoent thing in our world.
Good, powerful write.
xx. -
That is an absolute heartwrenching poem. I loved how it was written with a childs vocabulary. Even that fact that no words are capitilized (includeing her name) really adds to it. I also love how at the beggining and the end you mention her name and her age. It is great bookmarking. Overall a wonderful poem. You do have one capital starting a sentence, and it sort of breaks the mood, so you may want to fix that. Sorry but I can't add any other advice. Great job.
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