Pain became his best friend
when you clawed your heartless way,
through skin so weak from your tormenting words..
With seering twisted nails you broke him down
to continue your path of endless torture and destruction.
You reduced him to sheer worthlessness,
tears, blood and pain,
the scars on his arms
the marks of your taunts,
the evidence of the power you so clearly thrived upon.
Guilt and pain rushed through each vein,
your every move, at your side remain,
to help you though
to calm you down,
to make sure you were safe.
And in return, you push him away
yet kept your hold quite clear and firm,
you revelled on seeing him run back to you..
Yet your destructive flames kept destroying him, slowly,
you alone executed your only chance at having someone there.
You hammered in the nails
and made sure they held him down.
I was left to pick up the pieces,
stay strong when he broke down,
nurse the wounds caused by you..
I'll never forgive you for tearing him apart,
for your words and actions that shredded his heart,
I'll never forget the day he unveiled
his blood-red memories of you,
You, the executioner,
the twisted waste of life.
Author notes
I know this has no structure, no meter, nothing, but it's not so much a poem as a...story, or a diary entry. It's about my best friend, and his once best friend. It means a lot to me and helped my anger and pain a lot by getting this out.
In a list
A contest entry
- Pre-Write Mania by Chelsea Void.
600 points, ended October 1, 2007, 26 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I Should Have Won PW Bests by InMyFlames.
430 points, ended January 23, 2008, 24 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
-
"You, the executioner,
the twisted waste of life." a very strong finish something i often have trouble with, you twisted the words into a great imaginary, keep up the great work, and welcome to the finalist list -
Simple vent, but still poetry and I like it. So real, so powerful, and easy to relate to. Some of the grammar is a bit off, but I could feel the vengeance in your tone. well done.
-
Forget structure (someone somewhere is going to despise me for saying that
)!!!! This poem has what many do not - pure, uninhibited emotion on display! So much concern for the victim of such cruel fate. Love ripped from the seam. Excellent penning in my opinion!!! Write on my dear!!!
-
Descriptures were good
When I began to read this I thought it was about a dominant lover and you being close to the submitter. A closer inspection discovered your description is fantastic and draws you into the hurt that, eventually expels you and into a colder more desolate place.
I think that's what made this poem, the description...welldone poet
-
Outstanding
Very well written, i could feel the anger and the sadness. Great Piece of work. Good Job.
-
-
Thank you very much for your comment!
It really does mean a lot,
especially on such a personal piece.
-
-
I love this poem because of its metaphors and also because i can personally relate very well. some people will do anything in their power to keep their hold over somebody, just to know they have that hold. a good write :]
-
-
Thank you very much
I know. It makes me feel sick. He verbally and physically pushed him about and my friend wanted nothing but to be his best friend. Like I said, I was the one who watched him cry, saw his scars, hear him talk like he was worthless, and it shred my heart. Luckily everything's fine now and my friend has seen what a horrible person he classed as his best friend and luckily for me, me and him are now inseperable friends
Thank you again!
-
-
Much like a comment by someone who had witnessed first-hand the tearing down [emotionally and otherwise] of a husband by a commanding and nagging wife [ because of the endless 'him' that represents the object of the 'hell in the home'].If this is meant to be a catharsis, then you've let out you pent-up emotion in a remarkable way.
-
-
Thank you for your wonderful comment!
As it says in the notes, this is about my best friend. Last year, he was my best friend, but I wasn't his, because he adored this...boy so much. He would've laid down in traffic for him. And this boy treated him like dirt and I was the one who had to stand by and watch him cry and rub his scars from cutting.
It was the most heartbreak I've ever felt in my life, it topped splitting from my fiance.
Thank you very much once again for your comment
-
-
Poignant
Despite or rather over and beyond the notes this composition appears far stronger than most AP rants and retains distinct poetic promise and rhythm despite hovering on the border between poetry and prose.
This 'submission' presupposes an inner ear channelling outrage into a heartfelt and poignant pattern piece which calls for no excuses.... -
-
Thank you very much for your insight.
Albeit I put this up as a feature/reward, I'm not particularly going to be phased if someone says "It's crap, get off AP!" because it is truly heartfelt and although after reading it again I feel I could add on to it, it means a lot to me.
However, thank you once again for your comment, it's very much appreciated.
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 12 of 12
