Blink is link,
a clever wink to lash in night
at slivered light,
across my screen
of nerve flashed rivers,
this moment's shiver,
as cosmic quiver
for my next miracle,
when Autumn purges leaves to feather,
swept in wind song urge
for weather,
in open eye of pristine sky
and timeless breath of restoration,
color’s rush,
flushing wilder wetness,
spilling slash, in seismic flash
to change the picture.
It is in renewal of such a metered rhythm,
that blows me drifting, in subtle shifting,
swirling branch to bend in knee
and bow in head
to spirit lifting,
toward your sigh,
in season's cleaving crave
to continue journey outside my limitations,
for what is love,
in aging skin,
of lid to close
involuntary function, preparing child
to fly alone in Extreme Unction.
Author notes
Extreme Unction...is the last sacrament preformed in the Catholic Church...done just before death
A contest entry
- Rhyme Time by Danna Hobart.
375 points, ended October 12, 2007, 32 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
Because I got so many entries, I am going to judge this a little different than I normally do. On the contest page the challenge was to write a rhyming poem that shows instead of tells, with imagery and metaphor galore. In addition to those things, I am going to take the meter and rhythm into account along with originality. So I am going to award points for each of those things and then sort of tally them at the end to decide on the winners.
Show vs. Tell: 95/100
Concrete Imagery: 95/100
Metaphor/Symbol/Allusion: 100/100
Originality: 100/100
Meter: 90/100
To my ear it sounded like the meter/rhythm dropped a bit in the last stanza.
I have to say I loved this. I think it is as close to a perfect score as anybody has gotten so far. -
Wow. Wonderful prompt and a wonderful out come with it. I love the rhyme... so not forced and so natural. So you are catholic... Great job!
Candy
-
oh, this is so beautifull...a sigh of knowing..and a sigh in return for hearing.
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