I can’t get you out of my head
And no matter how I was I can’t get you off me
I can’t wash these handprints away
You took my childhood
My smile and my laughter
And still you have no regrets I’ve gone cold
Scar upon scar you’ve left behind
I’ve been broken a million times before
But still, why does this numbness hurt so bad
All my thoughts trace back to that night
I cried out for help, I begged and pleaded
But my cries fell upon deaf ears
You thrust deeper leaving behind unseen scars
Ripping the flesh of an innocent girl
You wanted a taste of the forbidden fruit
My body crumbled to your touch
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust
You’re to heavy my body feels crushed under you
I fear every breath will be my last
Your image is trapped in tears and smears of black
You give it one final thrust ripping deeper then before
I lay there helpless without the courage to pull you off
You’ve disappeared into the cover of night
Now, how can I ever be beautiful
When I’m covered in your disgust
Undecided if I’m still alive or dead
Why can’t I get you out of my head
A contest entry
- Depressing.... with options by Ntagatf.
500 points, ended September 19, 2007, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Dark Vs. Light I by Austere.
900 points, ended September 15, 2007, 40 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Round 1: Hit me With your Best Pre-write. by edit my world..
425 points, ended October 20, 2007, 64 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Cryptic Entries by Acidanthra.
600 points, ended September 22, 2008, 13 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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This was a very deep, heartfelt poem. Although there was so much negativity within the feelings that flourished in this write, it also portrays a lesson in life that we all must face. I enjoyed reading this unveiled truth. Great job, poet!
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Sorry but i didn't know how to get to the authors box of a prewrite, my ap name is xcruel intentionsx
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I find this to be a great write. It is dark, and I don't think the subject is a good one in the sense of how sick it is to to such a thing, but you have some talent. you go to round 2.
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xcruel intentionsx
is my ap name, sorry, i don't know how to put it in the authors notes if it is a prewrite -
great write
horrible story
feel better and keep writing you are great at it
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This is really deep, i know the feeling, this is a great write and i'm happy you wrote it, thanks for entering my contest and i wish you the best of luck!!! Keep up the good work!I really like this piece!
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option #4
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I really like parts in the middle of
this piece the most... if you do decide to revise at all, even though my contest has ended, I would love to see any revisions made to this piece and hope to read more from you in the future... I hope that you've not found any of my comments discouraging as I am attempting, for the most part, just to pass along suggestions/advice that have/has helped me grow as a writer... I hope that these recommendations are useful and beneficial to others, as well... -
line 18 should read:
"you're too heavy"
sorry to point out the spelling error first as I am certain that this was a personal write and you did very well using metaphor to bring the dark and haunting imagery to life in the mind of the reader... I applaud you because for such a personal write, you managed to do it pretty tastefully and not too terribly literally and either way, it is a courageous write... thank you for this entry, good luck... whether you win this contest or not is immaterial... you're already winning a very difficult internal struggle by being able to share about such a negative life altering experience...
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