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High Above

Wings made of pure silk and passion
Floating above my head, dancing.
Beautiful can't begin to describe,
The pattern in which you fly.

Soar beneath the clouds into the suns sky,
Wondering if he's worth passing by.
Your elegance is second to none,
Maybe he really is the one.

Flutter down to his side,
Stay on his shoulder with undying pride.
You know now he is yours,
Sit back and let your lives take their course.

Wings made of pure silk and passion,
Full of pure love and lust.
The only one you truly trust,
My beautiful true one love.

The angel which flies high above.

A contest entry

Tell me what you guys think :)

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Comments

1 - 19 of 19
  • ThEcHoSeNoNe
    October 14
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    lovely poem, if only we could all find someone like the person you speak of.

  • Pavlov
    October 14
    Edit | Reply
    beautiful, brought joy to my day when I need it most, thankyou

  • mama-drama
    October 14
    Edit | Reply
    dejavu...


  • Green Stars
    October 14

    Edit | Reply

    ..lovely

    ..this poem made me feel happy..anything too beauitful to describe always does...true love is hard to find and your words make it seem possible....


  • La Tua Cantante
    May 19, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This givs such a wonderful visual. It's breath-takingly beautiful. My favorite part is:
    "Beautiful can't begin to describe,
    The pattern in which you fly."

    The word choice is so unique and adds so much to the poem. I really adore this write. Amazing.


  • abyssalchainsaw
    May 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Great penmanship and use of "flying" to describe the topic.
    I never could grasp a metaphoric way for feelings like this long enough to write on this subject.
    You have my respect and a well deserved congrats on a well deserved trophy

  • sorrowfulwoodnymph
    May 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is beautiful. is this about an angel or about a real dude? haha im not quite sure.

    but if its real then i totally get it bc my bf is def my guardian angel. he looks out for me and he loves me and i cant wait til we can be togehter and live togehter all the time. i like the part about "the only one u can truly trust" bc it just seems so honest. like, who can u trust other than ur boi, u kno? or god, if its about an angel, i geuss.

    i also like how u do silk and passion bc those words go well together.

    maybe u culd make it more clear that it's about a real dude or about an angel. but otehr than that it think its great.

    good job, god bless


  • storiesuntold gold member
    September 25, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Nice

    Very nice indeed


  • VirginiaDarling
    September 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    First I want to say congradulations on your gold, I'm still trying to get one of those lol. Anyway this was a wonderful write. Beautiful imagination you have. Keep up the great work.


  • shubs
    September 25, 2007
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    Lilting

    This is as good as it gets.Your poem is a lilting saga of undying love for the main protagonist over here and he basks in your glory your very poem
    Lust though does take some sheen of the sanctity that love has..just my humble opinion
    Wings is plural so you can remove the apostrophe [']
    Great Work..Cheers Shubs

  • Daisy Summer
    September 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I was wondering about the line.'.Wondering if he's worth passing by'--why was this questioned posed> was he from previous fear? Otherwise I thought it to be good...ahh...the flutter of love in one's heart..how beautiful...
    Peace-Daisy

  • eternal-devotion
    September 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Unique.

    My first impression is that you captured the essence of first love very well. Emotionally this is enchanting. You create beautiful immages in the mind and put them into beautiful words. The title is good and the first line couldn't be better. The last line soars with the poem. This is not awkward at least for me and I wouldn't change any of this. My favorite part is the first verse as it paints such a beautiful picture of wings in flight. I loved every bit of this.


  • eleno
    September 25, 2007
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    amazing. wow. hmm... rite now am in love.. n somehow i can relate to all love poems... its like many ways to describe my feelings. you have also done that. thanx. i like the way you somehow rhymed it in a way that isnt really standard. i really liked the rhyme. beautiful words too. great job.


  • Uniquely-Scarred
    September 25, 2007
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    love the repition of wings made of silk works really well congrats on the gold too


  • Elfin
    September 25, 2007
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    Lovely words and beautiful images. Well done and congratulations on winning the gold. Val


  • quantumsurveyor
    September 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    An artless depiction of a universal problem with pleasant and often touching use of gossamer words. The amorphous nature of the poem highlights the content with immediacy..


  • Bluebook Pet
    September 25, 2007
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    Well the one I like on this write was the imagery.


  • Beating gold member
    September 5, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I really love how there isn't one definite pattern in this. The rhyming just kind of happens as you felt like it. The first stanza really blew me away, and this entire piece is just beautiful. Truly amazing!


    • Twilight Tears
      September 5, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Tyvm for you compliment, it made me smile to know someone likes it ty, tyvm

1 - 19 of 19