This was my choice
wasn't it?
to make me feel better
I haven't had cancer
I just had too much!
My scars on the outside
reflect my torn insides
the pain of a long life
lived in too short a time
Surgery was supposed to make it better
but nothing can change
A rotten self image
there's no one to blame
No one can fix this
No surgeon's knife
Can excise this pain
no matter what I try
They say it's never too late
too late to try
I'm always looking
for a reason not to die.
Author notes
I had major bilateral breast surgery in March. Big surgery, but no trauma to bring it on. My heart goes out to those have sustained physical traumas in life. I hope my entry isn't an insult to them.
A contest entry
- SELF IMAGE by SummerlandRayne.
650 points, ended September 2, 2007, 2 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Enter any silver or bronze winning pre-write!! by freestallion.
450 points, ended September 12, 2007, 36 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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I am sorry for your pain, and this poem was definitely very strong & stark. I know it must have been traumatic.. The poem could be even more powerful with more playing with line breaks, etc. Keep writing! Thanks for entering my contest.
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"The difference between old and young is...the young search for a cause to die for..the old look for a cause to live for." Yet only those that fail at the former may dwell on the latter
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like person said b4 i like the last part of your poem
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I think that last line is extremely moving:
"I'm always looking
for a reason not to die."
There are so many people in the world who don't embrace... enjoy life. And it's depressing that people have to experience things like cancer, surgery or anything that brings them close to death to realize what a gift life is. This was an amazing piece and I really loved it.
-A.
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First, I have to say you conveyed a truly affecting depth of feeling. Second, I admire your strength, not only because you are still pushing forward in such difficult times, but also your willingness to share these personal thoughts and experience. Your strength is inspiring and beautiful.
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It is good to bring this out in the open and speak of it. It becomes real that way and tangible. I am sorry for your pain and I am sure your honesty did not insult anyone. Take care of yourself.
Soulful Woman
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People have surgeries of all kinds, hoping to come out feeling much better about themselves, but instead find they have other problems after, or the same ones as before, plus more. Any surgery is dangerous, and in this day and age, when surgery is so easy to get, be it for cosmetic or physical purposes, sometimes it is too much. It can lead to wanting more and more, until one ends up looking like the cat woman - really went overboard there. Liked the flow of these lines and the message you share in these line - easy to read and understand.
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I believe pain is pain, be it emotional or physical...and who is to say one is better or worse than the other? But when the two combine it makes it even more difficult, and often (for me at least) it can become hard to separate the two. I love the lines about surgery being unable to remove the pain you feel. You express yourself well in this, and really bring across the issue of self image and confidence. I hope writing this was helpful and healing for you. I think a lot of people will relate to your write, and I thank you for sharing it.
Best wishes and good luck in the contest,
~J.
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Oh my dear...scars are as much internal as surface in many cases. Lucky me...I have both! I feel your pain...be honest and keep talking about how you feel and let me share this with you, I have been in this mind-frame since I was a child...I am 45 now. You can fight it! Thank you so much for your honest entry...best of luck!
Peace~
Az
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I like this very much. i can feel this poem very much
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