her name, the same as yours
flooded my cellophane heart
with distant but still
pulsating memories of you
the “perfect professional’s wife”
children and social engagements,
appearances to maintain
a busy life,
at times frenetic
the hamster wheel personified
accoutrements of comfort
where the line between want and need
gets blurred
with the capacity to define and defile
in one fell swoop
and happiness,
ah yes happiness,
that elusive slippery eel
that slithers through the desert of your life
like the mirage it is
and have you quenched this thirst?
and what of the journal entries
under the heading of “us”?
vanquished from your longings?
vaporized into oblivion?
overshadowed by guilt?
mere questions
not seeking answers
as I muse through these chronicles
of once upon a time
Copyright © Henri Ferguson 2003
Author notes
I met someone through a friend here in Toronto today whose name and life style was startlingly similar to a past love. As we visited I sat in her house absorbing the ambiance, the morning routine and all, which in turn triggered memories that spawned these words. I am constantly amazed at the complexity of my own being with respect to these matters.
Written September 18th, 2003
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Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Beautiful.
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Stunning piece! Perhaps the key word in your author comments is "routine." I get the feeling you did not deeply mourn the loss of this cookie cutter relationship. Great job!
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the temptation to travel back in our own experience
can be a healing quality at times
yet i find that this,
like any other temptation,
can also become self-destructive
you captured the frenetic pace of many a soul
with your "hamster wheel" allusion
when that wheel stops,
the resultant peace is sometimes overwhelming
ah, the irony
another brilliant piece
must start to ration -
where the line between want and need
gets blurred
with the capacity to define and defile
If you find some kind of answers would you let me know.
Does pure love have anything to do with any kind of rationality...
Can we thoroughly and unconditionally love someone without
going crazy.
Those were my favourite lines.
Thank you Henri,
Maria -
This was a really great poem!! I don't know what to say? I have never read a peom like this and it really makes me think and wonder. You did a great job on this if i can say so from a 16yr olds point of view. Keep up the good work!
In Christ'Aragorn -
Its amazing what spawns memory and regurgitates the past...
in your case observing a scenario all too familiar it
would seem...
Love the reference to " cellophane heart "...very powerful...
Excellent write...seems to have made you realise how much
you have moved on in life...
~ sonia ~
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Certain people in our lives, we connect with, love to such a depth,, that there is no letting go. They may be far away, they may step out of our circle, let us go, but those emotions that connect us to them remain. Then let someone enter our realm, that carries a shadow of them, and that touches us deeply on a level that we want to grasp hold of, cling to the essence of that long ago (or perhaps not so long ago) love. Not let go of it...though we know they are not them.
They ferret out those memories from the recesses of our conciousness, bring them to the surface...make us smile...or whether they bring tears...they do bring that longing perhaps for what we felt then. Make us want to recover what we have lost..or given up...or sent away. Either way..your words so accurately describe those feelings..with sensativity...and just the right touch of wistfulness. I enjoyed this...
Maddie -
Henri, this is so simple, so true to life - and there are those that live materialistic lifestyles, socialites, or just wannabes that think the accountrements will fix everything, but then, aren't they somewhat numb to what really twirls this world? So busy they, and in the meantime, some little waif is eating mush every night for dinner and glad to get it, probably alot happier too. But I digress, going to extremes here.. this write conjures up many things, this occurs on so many different levels. Triggers, we all have them, something happens (like your meeting today) and a memory is front and center, in our face, we can't avoid it and almost have to look around it to see the reality of where we are. I sometimes wish I had alot of money, wish I didn't have to work for a living, wish I could afford to do anything I wanted - but then, I look around and see how wealthy I already am. Its really not so important after all. In fact, what would I be in that skin? I don't even want to know.. Thank you for such a thought provoking write. Wonderful as usual.
~ becky
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"accoutrements of comfort
where the line between want and need
gets blurred"
I, personally, believe this happens more times than not. Seems that our "lives" own us as opposed to being the other way around, and the need to live up to either the neighborhood, the job, and the related social status becomes paramount....often at the price of health, sanity..and love.
i've always found it interesting that the more we have, the more we seem to need, materially....yet the need for love rarely grows in check.
always you leave me with thoughts to ponder...
love and light,
T -
Oh Henri, this is wonderful... Captures life's little quirky twists. I am always amazed when I cross paths with someone whose lifestyle mirrors someone I know or have known. Perhaps these little moments are ‘gifts’ intended to remind us that we constantly touch lives and move on to the next – some of those contacts/relationships we will cherish, others simply get catalogued as a learning experience. I like the contemplative feel of the last stanza – it acknowledges that life is full of questions and yet provides so few answers… very realistic. This is excellent poetry and I enjoy the reflective tone.
Thanks - Helen -
Amazing where happenstance takes us Henri. Your cellophane heart - why? transparent? airtight?! though if it's flooding with memories, maybe better waterproof..Interesting description... I do love the 'hamster wheel personified', your perspective on the comforts, not really needed and this frenetic keeping up appearances lifestyle seems to become increasingly detached, not only by years, but personality... A little bit like you took a bite of what had once been your favourite treat, and found it no longer suited your taste at all. Clever, clever imagery with the slippery happiness - a mirage, but if it were real, it would be unable to slide away, though it may well be bogged down in sand - and the connection of mirage with perceived oases offering lifesaving thirstquenching water - and has she quenched her thirst for happiness - and the underlying implication , perhaps, that her busy blossoming life is a facade covering a desert of a heart, a barren soul? Or am I looking deeper than I need? I think there is always a question over what the other party now thinks or chooses to remember of us, but it is intriguing that you use such strong words as vanquished and vaporised - very martial and very emphatic, especially with the equally definite 'oblivion'; but then there is a notable softening of the language regarding possible guilt. Makes the reader curious - would she feel guilty at heart knowing life may have been more fulfilling with you yet unwilling to admit it aloud? Or is there some other dark secret? An enigmatic touch - nicely done. You may be musing, mere questions, but they demand attention, and though you may not seek answers, the admission of curiosity will, I'm sure strike a chord with many. It is once upon a time, and she appears trapped in an luxurious ivory tower, but your former princess is there by choice, no evil spell, and you are looking in, free but for your own memories, from the outside. A thoughtful and thought-provoking piece, thank you.
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Ah...the amazing questions that play refrain in our minds. Its quite amazing when something NEW echos something old. Definitely brings the memories to play and those questions that really do need no answer.
I enjoyed this write.. rather took me back in time myself.
Once again...very well written..
Hugs..
Mary Ann
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