subconciously in
the cold light of day
insensitive seeds
strolled
a non too casual riot
across young serenity's world
disillusioned
she fled
...seeking solace
at the crossroads
for a moments respite
before the mists fell.
~drifting through darkness~
When the distant bells
started to ring
strange
signposts screamed
~this way
no not this way
which way
this way
no not this way~
such confusing
directions
later...
despair wound itself
around tightly wrung words
with fingertipped angst
blatantly unaware
of the sheer enormity
at the floodgates beyond.
Silent tangents
...uncanny reminders
of a double negative dream.
Author notes
Blankscreen2222
A contest entry
- SHOW ME A POEM by Cherokee.
500 points, ended September 23, 2007, 10 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - 4:44 - a n y t h i n g by the chase.
900 points, ended October 26, 2007, 45 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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Wonderful word choice and imagery. Really a well written piece. Personally I feel it would have been a lot stronger if you had ended it at "such confusing
directions". It seemed to lose it's strength from that
point.
Just my thoughts.
Thank you for entering! -
Whoa, that was strange indeed. The vocabulary and imagery are lovely, dreary. I quite like the last 2 lines.
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Oo Oo Child...
Things are gonna get easier... Now I'm going way out on a limb to tell you what vision this poem invoked in me... (WAY OUT, mind you) But this is like the nightmare of the walking dead... These words ie: insensitive seeds~disillusioned~seeking solice~crossroads~drifting~darkness~distant bells ringing~strange signposts~confusion~despair~blatantly unaware~silent tangents~uncanny reminders of a double negative dream... And I am seeing a herion addict... You must tell me what you were intending here because I personally can't shake my own view, but as such, to me this is one powerful poem... Ithica (P.S. I rarely will mention form or style because I don't have (ANY) expertise there. But I am an expert at feeling my own feelings... Now if I could only get them out on paper... Hmmmm.... Great write... Ithica
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with regards to your query about heroin addiction.. no... it's nothing at all to do with drugs. Just life in general.
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hmm... this is deffinately an interesting poem, i really liked it, thanks for entering
~Nick -
Thanks for the journey.
Now if I just knew which option this fits. But its not hard to guess.
Your title is most apt.
Well concluded write.
Thabnks for entering.
Previn -
Beautiful descriptions and metaphors with some great alliteration. I loved the part where it seems like you're arguing with yourself, a very cute touch. Thank you
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"a non too casual riot"
I love that line. Illusions are often hypocritical. -
Beautiful imaginary. Well done.
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this certainly lived up to its name, i remember having weird dreams like this, its a great read even if i am not really sure what its about iit made me think which is better than alot of the other stuff you read today.
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awesome!!
it reminded me of being a teenager...but this may not be its meaning. it also reminds me of the struggles of everyday life for ANY person. beautiful way to explain.
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Superb/Imaginative/Intriguing
Wow, a most unusual write, that's for sure. I really like the surealism of this piece. Very well written indeed.
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Nothing really sticks out as needing an edit. Sometimes it's better to leave things as they come out. This was a very strong offering. Nicely done.
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wow wow wow im in love with your poetry this was so metaphorical i loved this wondeful writing from the queen of metaphor flawlss
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