They met one day
while roaming the halls
the tall pale skinned girl and brown haired blue eyed boy
they no longer walked alone
but together
the tall pale skinned girl and brown haired blue eyed boy
they started to talk
as they sat side by side
the tall pale skinned girl and brown haired blue eyed boy
explaining themselves
telling the story of their lives
the tall pale skinned girl and brown haired blue eyed boy
from that point on they were always together
for worst or for better
the tall pale skinned girl and brown haired blue eyed boy
they were bonded forever
their sides chained together
the tall pale skinned girl and brown haired blue eyed boy
that's how their friendship stayed
for over a year
the tall pale skinned girl and brown haired blue eyed boy
until one day he told her
he'd leave her forever
the tall pale skinned girl and brown haired blue eyed boy
they then embraced
and she started to cry
the tall pale skinned girl and brown haired blue eyed boy
he told her he'd call
when they weren't together
the tall pale skinned girl and brown haired blue eyed boy
as the days went on they forgot about the past
they thought that their happiness would last
the tall pale skinned girl and brown haired blue eyed boy
until the day of reckoning came
and put their thoughts into an early grave
the tall pale skinned girl and brown haired blue eyed boy
tears welled up in her eyes
as he entered the car
the tall pale skinned girl and brown haired blue eyed boy
he said goodbye
then started to cry
the tall pale skinned girl and brown haired blue eyed boy
she held on to his hand
as the car started to drive away
the tall pale skinned girl and brown haired blue eyed boy
running to keep up
as he moved away
the tall pale skinned girl and brown haired blue eyed boy
she stood on the curb
rain blowing in her face
the tall pale skinned girl
he looked back at her
until she was a speck in the distance
the brown haired blue eyed boy
she stayed in that place
tears streaming down her cheeks
the tall pale skinned girl
until he was no longer within reach
then she got in her car and drove away
the tall pale skinned girl
he sat in the back seat
cradling his head in his hands
the brown haired blue eyed boy
he cursed out loud
he screamed in rage
the brown haired blue eyed boy
two days have passed
and still she cries
the tall pale skinned girl for the brown haired blue eyed boy
she's starting to realize
that inside she dies
the tall pale skinned girl for the brown haired blue eyed boy
school has begun
he again roams alone
the brown haired blue eyed boy without the tall pale skinned girl
he misses her voice
but more so her friendship
the brown haired blue eyed boy without the tall pale skinned girl
more time has gone by
she no longer cries
the tall pale skinned girl for the brown haired blue eyed boy
for she remembers he promised her forever
and some day they will again be together
the tall pale skinned girl and the brown haired blue eyed boy
Author notes
this is about my best friend in the world and our last moments together before he left
it just really had a major impact on my life
blondevamp, 17
A contest entry
- ~ Long Distance ~ by The Hardest Goodbye.
375 points, ended September 14, 2007, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ROUND 1; Perfect Prewrites by They Say Shannon.
450 points, ended September 17, 2007, 41 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Contest: Friends In Heart Forever by Anna Emkah.
600 points, ended November 7, 2007, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - TEENAGERS - We're not all thick, yeah? #2 by LaurenLightning--x.
730 points, ended May 7, 2008, 42 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Lost Love or Friendship by piccola.
450 points, ended August 21, 2008, 37 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Long distance. by QueenCiar.
500 points, ended October 28, 2008, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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This is an excellent write and a unique format of writing it.
I liked the changing of who was being talked of and such. It was nice to see something new!
thanks for entering and good luck! :] -
I really like the story and am happy to see that you have made an attempt to correct errors that were pointed out to you by a previous contest host. Repetition is a poetic device but it can be over-done as I think it was here. Perhaps the line and/or title could be used every third line or so...or maybe just at the beginning and the end. I think that might give it strength. Thank you for entering.
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As 'x--butterflykisses' already made clear in her comment that there are loads of mistakes/typos in this poem. I am sorry that you have not corrected them. I am also not so fond of the repetition: 'the tall pale skined girl and brown haired blue eyed boy'. It's a bit TOO much. Once or twice ok, but not every third line. It makes me losing interest in reading on.
Because of the contest I did read on of course and understood that the poem is about a young couple meeting each other, until that fatal day when he left, but promised to keep in touch. But then all of a sudden the friendship was completely over. Both, him and her, were sad about it, but they keep hope that things will become alright again one day (soon).
Thanks.
Anna.
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"thats how there friendship stayed"
that's*
their*
"they werent together"
weren't*
"that there happiness would last"
their*
"he said goodbye"
he said, "goodbye"*
'craddling his head'
Check on craddling, I'm not sure of the correct spelling but that's not it.
"shes starting to realize"
she's*
Awe.
This is really sad. :/
I'm extremely sorry that this happened to you - If I had to move from my best friend [Or vise versa] I don't know what I would do.
It would be terrible because she's honestly my life.
Thank you very much for entering!
Good luck and nice job. <
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Very nice poem. Beautiful deep and very moving. ALmost made me cry.
I loved it, thanks for putting it in my contest! good luck and best wishes.
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wow just WHOA...awesomeness to the max!!
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amazing poem. makes me wonder what it is about
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