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Homeless

AS I LAY THERE IN THE STREET,
WISHING I COULD FIND SOMETHING TO EAT,
MY BONES ARE SHOWING UNDER MY COAT,
AND PEOPLE WALK BY WITHOUT KNOWING AND THEY GLOAT,
I GET THE WATER I DRINK FROM A LAKE,
AND SOMETIMES I JUST WANNA TAKE,
BECAUSE I KNOW I CANT MAKE IT,
AND I REALLY CANT TAKE IT,
I'M ALWAYS COLD,
ALWAYS WET,
AND SOMETIMES I CAN'T EVEN REMEMBER WHERE I WENT,
I'M ONLY WISHING I HAD A TENT,
THE REASON I'M HERE TODAY IS BECAUSE I COULDN'T PAY THE RENT,
I WONDER WHERE ALL MY MONEY WENT,
COULD IT BE I DRINK?
COULD IT I USED?
COULD IT BE I WAS ABUSED?
MY MONEY WENT SO FAST ,
AND IT GOT ME HERE WHERE I'M TODAY,
I ALWAYS HOPE I AM AROUND ANOTHER DAY,
CAUSE I ALWAYS KNOW I WILL ALWAYS BE JUST A STRAY,
BUT I KNOW ONE DAY JUST ONE DAY I WON'T BE THIS WAY.

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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Comments

1 - 16 of 16

  • TizMoi
    February 27, 2008

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    Thanks for entering. This is wonderfully written. So sad but a great insight on how homelessness is and how society is unfortunately. I loved the lines....

    ALWAYS HOPE I AM AROUND ANOTHER DAY,
    CAUSE I ALWAYS KNOW I WILL ALWAYS BE JUST A STRAY,
    BUT I KNOW ONE DAY JUST ONE DAY I WON'T BE THIS WAY.

    Really great how in all this sadness there is a great positiveness and the hope that life won't always be this way. Good luck in contest.


  • Three Doves
    February 18, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    SAD REALITY

    THANK YOU FOR SHARING YOUR HEART IN POETRY AND I WELCOME YOU TO THE AP FAMILY. YOUR POEM HAS ALL THE HARSH REALITIES OF BEING HOMELESS AND YOU EXPRESSED YOURSELF WELL. PLEASE PLACE YOUR USERNAME AND FAMILY PREFERENCE IN YOUR RESPONSE TO MY COMMENT.


  • Nicolette Everett
    November 16, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I like the subject your talking about. Being homeless on the street, people don't walk by and then help, usually they keep going. It shows something of what humanity is and its a sad thing.
    Nice job!


  • warrior-eagle
    November 14, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    you know that God will pull you through. This was very emotionally written.

    ..Simply Me♥


  • Beating gold member
    October 24, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    the rhyming is good but felt forced at a couple of places. And I don't understand why it is all in capital - i don't like that. Other than that, very well written. It almost sounds like you truly are homeless.


  • leander Moderators member
    October 23, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Again, you have written a poem in which you express yourself very clearly, but this time I counted 22 lines

    But now I am here, I can as well give out some suggestions

    All caps gives the impression you are yelling actually, and it doesn't read very smoothly... try to avoid that maybe

    Also, your rhyme is pretty good, but here and there it seems a bit forced... also the rhythm is a bit wobbly here and there, but over all you've done a good job...

    Once again, thank you for entering
    a shame you have too much lines
    Leander


  • lindaburns gold member
    October 22, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Come on now. Give the other guys a chance. This is a contest for poems that don’t yet have a trophy.


  • Epilogue
    October 2, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    (As some people know) I'm currently homeless so I really know how this feels. It's hard being on your own even when you have a place to live, but without anyone and anything, life is unbearable. I hate society so much to think that all of these celebrities and upper class snobs can be so rich and wasteful while people in our own affluent country are suffering from starvation. In some cases it is our own actions which cause these tragedies, such as drugs or alcoholism, but some would rather see a junkie die than offer him a sandwich or a few bucks. It's sad- the perdicament the world is in. If you ever want to talk about it I'll be here.
    ~elizabeth~


  • SweetRoses
    September 28, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is really good. A lot of people just forget about those who are homeless. Sometimes it's not even their fault that they don't have a home. Great write.


    • wings from god 28
      September 29, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      saying thank you

      thank you for the comment i was homeless at one time thats where i got my poem from thank you again


  • xxlisajazminexx
    September 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    the message was very touching
    and sad all at the same time......
    wonderful thoughts throughout, though I dont favor the rhyme....
    just needs alittle tweeking i thikk but other than that...
    wonderful
    thank you for entering


  • warrior-eagle
    September 23, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    wow.


  • Cherokee
    September 19, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    You gotta put your user name in the author notes and then you can re-enter.


  • Asylaarix
    August 28, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    OMG ... this one was fan-fucking-tastic!!!! Your words ... the moral ... the lesson ... everything was just wonderful ... I knew you had it in you to write ... this was so well done ... so beautifully and painfully written ... I just absolutely loved it ... Brilliant job babe ... I am so glad to see that you are getting into your poetry ... You really do a wonderful job expressing yourself ... The fourth line to the last "I always hope I,M around another day," should be "I always hope I am around another day," Fix the I,M ... but other than that ... WOW ... very beautifully done ... you are getting the hang of writing your feelings out better ... LOVED IT!!!!

     

    Much Love

    ♥ Sparkeh ♥ 

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