Clearly essence has been robbed
one not ready to succumb
yet pain is etched there
a life tired and forgotten.
In sleep her wish to end a life
where no one shared her dream
a look of utter defeat is there
a heart that's turned to stone.
The outer shell is motionless
no wish to be awoken
a prisoner to a hardened life
enveloped in forgotten.
The shroud of loneliness surrounds
to keep despondency concealed
but she cannot hide seeds of a life despaired
turned to stone from little care.
A contest entry
- Second Image by PhoenixFox.
700 points, ended September 12, 2007, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Hello and thank you for your entry
Yes, I too get the feeling of being trapped here. And how better to portray this feeling than inside a cold stone statue? And there is a haunting quality to the poem that sends shivers down my spine.
One small gripe.. in the second stanza I think you would be better with 'no one' as 'noone' can be misconstrued. I do like the metaphor and imagery in this piece, especially "enveloped in forgotten". I think you certainly managed to portray how the image made you feel.
Best wishes ~ fox
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The metaphors are wonderful, you did great justice to the prompt. The feeling of being trapped with no real care, is sad to me. I loved your ending, for it is a true reflection on many peoples lives. The title is perfect for your well written and very nicely expressed poem. Thank you for sharing!
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I wonder how honoured the sculptor would be, to hear the words of your poetry? Thanks for the moment, frozen in time... then freed in verse.
I swear this website is getting to me. Even in comment boxes I'm talking in verse. All I keep thinking about is the next possible poem. Sigh... I've had worse addictions.
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this was a beautiful take on the prompt that was full of emotion and metaphors
it really brought it to life
wonderfully done
best of luck
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