It takes more than marriage and a baby carriage,
to fulfill all the passions we breed.
But it seems that society frowns on variety
and ignores what innately we need.
One must fight love’s tradition that stifles ambition
giving credence to envy and greed -
Propagating the thought by just what one ought
or “ought not” do to finally succeed.
Some measure success as they watch you digress
‘til at last to their way you will cede,
So you store all yourself, way up on a shelf
and pretend that it’s only your creed.
Yet knowing somewhere, Yes, somewhere out there
there are others that have this same need ...
A distributive nature takes the role of translator
with intrigue and variety,
And banks all deposits while creating composites
of the two worlds they happen to see.
As the brain condenses, mass input from senses
the big five and the one that soars free,
All the passions affective will form a collective
for a plan that breeds harmony.
A desire for friendship that espies a true kinship
would be first on that list of needs,
One that serves as reflection when other’s abjection
forces pride to get down on its knees,
While seeking redemption but wanting exemption
from the laws that put passions in freeze.
A secret society that seeks healthy propriety
eludes all ~ but the keenest of men.
With a preoccupation for loving salvation
and a cause that seems simple to them.
An old fashion theory promotes being cheery
and the will to breathe easy again.
It's plain that adversity, strangles diversity
forcing artists to stifle the yen,
then traded expression for outright repression,
which barred natural passions within.
With harmonic order I'll escape ‘cross that border
long confused with the notion of whim,
with a flair to refashion, distributive passion
and to share of this wealth once again ...
<<<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>>>
Author notes
Nothing will put a cramp in the brain muscle more than the attitude of some others as to "what's important" as to "what's a waste of time". It's alway nice to meet and share with fellow poets.
A contest entry
- Society poems by Cwm.
300 points, ended September 24, 2007, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - An Original Thought by Mark Spencer.
1000 points, ended October 24, 2007, 14 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please take time to share your comments ...
Comments
1 - 40 of 40
-
Rhythm & Rhyme for the Times!
"A desire for friendship that espies a true kinship
would be first on that list of needs"
Well said Poet! "Writer's Cramp" seeks to free You from impingement of "poetic restrictions"
of which I know whence You speak. The meter and rhyme seem impeccable, the thought
respectable.
I've enjoyed the reading of "Writer's Cramp" and appreciate the Voice of intelligence behind
them.
With gratitude and loyalty!
stay
for ever
liquid
-
Well Done!!
I like it!! Ditto on what venomoustoad had to say!! 
I've already seen and commented on your fantastic poem, but anyway, keep your quill flowing, Joy!! Thanks for sharing. 
Peace & Hugs,
xx Cyn
-
Surprised this only got an honorable mention
can't fault the rhyme and scan apart from a hic-cup for me
'with intrigue and variety, ' even allowing 4 syllables in variety it still seems a syllable short of the other 2nd lines having 8 to their 9
I love the last stanza fantastic rhyme and rhythm throughout and creative use of words.
-
whoops!
Here's an ironic thought... I was so wrapped up in describing my appreciation of your work I forgot to applaud...
-
this is why i come to this site...
and by that I mean not only to read wonderful and witty poems like this one but that you have descibed the very urge that brings me here. I think of poetry as my "ace in he hole". No matter where I am I have it with me. Take away my belongings,lock me in a cell,do your worst or your best to me world...I've still got my poetry and the ability to make more.The first two lines are a grabber... -
The rhyme and rythm are great. I really enjoyed this piece. Well written.
-
THIS IS SUPERB
nicerhythm,great clever use of language, a real treat to this poet senses
thanks so very much
-
absolutely awesome joy..i mean that completely..the meter is pitch perfect..the rhyme glorious..the message all too clear..you have all the telling traits of a true master of verse.wonderful. thank you.
@-}--- x 12
-
This is awesomely good, i love the rhythm and the style, well i love everything about it, its just incredibly good, bravo and thanks
-
nice but different from what I've read
A couple of the paragraphs jumped out at me. Like the way you wrote in , just one ought or ought not. That line reminded me of one of my poems, and it might be posted this evening.
-
I get what you're saying. Its so nice that some of us aren't afraid to speak our minds
-
This is so very good!!! Could you tell me the name of this form of poetry...I'm still trying to learn! This was very well done, it flows quickly and smoothly and the rhyme is perfect. 3 clappy guys seems so inadequate...
-
your use of wording is fantastic, the flow and rhyme is perfect, a really enjoyable read
-
Very nicely written and an enjoyable read to the last word. Happy trails.
-
I loved this, both the rhyme and the thoughts so well expressed.
-
Wow, what a beautiful rhythm. When I read it, I can hear a voice in my imagination speaking it, that happens when I find something powerful. Musical and gorgeous. I'll be coming back for more reads.
-
A MASTERPIECE
I repeat what I wrote (below) back on December 10, 2007. -
Brilliant!!!
You said it all, need I say more?!!? I stand in awe. Your muse is working overtime, Joy. 
Take care, Cyn
-
Love the title, with the dual meanings of "cramp," both muscular (from overwork) and limited space for the mind, from a sense of restricted topical range bearing societal (or educational) validation and acceptance.
Sad commentary, that sometimes it seems a "society that seeks healthy propriety" is not something you might wish to bring up in casual conversation with acquaintances!
Fabulous internal rhyme and rhyming, exellent alliteration, and a wealth of ideas on the different influences that bring about the creativity and re-creation of writing and its expression of thoughts and ideas.
-
Your poem is well measured with 3 stanzas of 14 lines and a consistent rhyme of the second returning line in each stanza. Your control over the length of your piece would suggest you've surpassed any hint of writer's cramp. Your choice of words offer up a playful and yet sincere concern over society's restrictions on creative individuality.
-
This made me laugh, made me think, and gave me a smile. Mighty big accomlishment for a small collection of words. Might have something to do with the spirit of the poet.
Love, Tom B.
-
"As the brain condenses, mass input from senses
the big five and the one that soars free," What a really great metaphor. Some poets fear putting into words what they truly believe for fear of being attacked by another. I am so impressed with your effective use of rhyme throughout this long verse. It takes so much talent and concentration to find the perfect word, and have it not seem forced. You accomplished this with panache, and the thoughts behind your verse were wonderful. Kudos to you!
Linda
-
EXCELLENT TITLE!
I have suffered from this from time to time. It's amazing what the brain can do. Good way with the rhyme in this!! THANKS!!
-
This is just as good the second time 'round. If this is the result of writer's cramp I want a double dose.
xoxox
Leo -
Your enjoyment of, and familiarity with, words comes bubbling through here. Each line is so well crafted both as an individual entity and as a part of the whole it was a joy to read.
This cries out to be read aloud so that the full value of the sounds of the words as well as their meanings can be properly absorbed.
As for the message you convey, I tend to agree with you in general terms but fortunately, as you yourself prove, their are exceptions.
So that your line
"It's plain that adversity, strangles diversity
forcing artists to stifle the yen,"
is not 100% true thank heavens.
Jim
-
Writer's Cramp ... by waydownuponjoy
Not sure what to comment on...it's a multi-faceted poem with more than one thread running as a them...at least for me.
You know, there is no real repression as strong as the one we clamp on ourselves and often that blame we put on others is as much ours as theirs. Too often we willingly subject ourselves to others' control, and it does work both ways, not only the force men put on women, but with women on men. The strong will dominate the weak in a relationship, or so has been my experience.
And that transcribes to most situations, not just romantic relationships. Having said all that, I still agree with you...I'd just spread out the blame more neutrally. But yes, kinship (equality I read it as) is a great and abstract thought, I wonder how possible it is though? Human prejudices are such horrid things that they seek to dominate most relationships. Ok, maybe I'm a little cynical.
Is there a sixth sense? For me that is Realism versus Romanticism, I'll go with the former and say no.
As far as stifling artists...other than censorship or literal "silencing" like in Soviet Russia the notion of poets as some sad colony of "misunderstoods" doesn't prompt me to whip out the old violin and accompany their wailing.
It's an exceptional, polemical (though maybe that's an unfair assessment) poem that I enjoyed reading and musing upon. I hope you weren't offended by my addle pated thoughts...I probably misread the whole thing anyway, lol.
But I'm glad I stopped by, I don't find a lot of intelligent stuff on this site...and I don't mean that on criticism of others for there's lots of different types of poetry out there that can be enjoyed on different levels.
Nice to meet and share these thoughts with you...And I'm sorry this is so long.
-
How satirical upon the title!
Your poem, Joy, is very clever and well-crafted. I enjoyed the end rhymes and internal rhymes as well. This kind of poetry is excellent for performance poetry.
You know, most of your two-liners are poems and universalities in themselves whilst remaining part of the whole. One cites: " A secret society that seeks healthy propriety
eludes all ~ but the keenest of men." and this is one of many.
I shall resurrect the Editor's Select Six and place the poem there!
Ron.
-
WOW!
This isn't the piece you want to choose to read at the local library. It's a tongue twister of the third order which, by comparison, makes reading Seven Deadly Snippets a walk in the park.
I love the rhymes and I love the musicality of this piece. It seems to me to be a thinking man's (woman's) poem, and therefore loses half it's appeal to many on A.P. who don't have the discipline to study something like this. This poem is to words what Albrecht Durer was to pen and paint.
-
Brilliant -- OUTSTANDING -- Excellent
Superior Exceptional Writing. What a MASTERPIECE.
----------
-
I am sure you like this. I am sure it is you. To me it is like a woman in the sixties all stuffed up in a girdle with tight gray permed curls. it just is what it is stuffy. Do I want to hurt your feelings no am I being honest yes... sometimes people are just different I guess.
-
Nicely Done
My only comment is that I would change the two ellipsis used to end the first and last stanzas to dashes.
I love the structure and the skill of your internal rhymes.
-
-
Two ellipses!
-
-
I stand corrected, ellipses.
-
-
-
bravo
I am aware that you "ponder"as well as "contemplate" in the broadest of horizons, and this is a truly gripping piece, my favorite, as if I could pick one line or two, nope can't do it With "...a preoccupation for loving salvation
and a cause that seems simple to them.
An old fashion theory promotes being cheery
and the will to breathe easy again.
It's plain that adversity, strangles diversity
forcing artists to stifle the yen,
then traded expression for outright repression,
which barred natural passions within.
With harmonic order I'll escape ‘cross that border
long confused with the notion of whim,
with a flair to refashion, distributive passion
and to share of this wealth once again ..." is so soulful I'd not doubt that you have left an imprint of Akashic Script to be discovered and rekindled in the hearts of mankind....well written and precisely delivered...thank you
-
Three yellow, happy clappies for the first two lines alone.Amen to that!
-
Oh Good luck Joy with this brilliant piece. Loved the flow as it took the reader along at a steady pace. Lots to think about in here my friend.. The first four lines really hit home. Thoroughly enjoyed.....mal
-
A true classic!
It is exhilarating to have the freedom to explore without supression the thoughts, feelings and passions that naturally occur.
Loved so much the flow of your write. It contributed so much to the ease of allowing the mind to explore the thoughts that were presented.
A lot of favourite lines in here. More than mere favourites actually but topics I (and I am sure I am not alone but others also) react strongly to.
"Some measure success as they watch you digress
'til at last to their way you will cede"
also
""As the brain condenses, mass input from senses
the big five and the one that soars free"
You have a classic on your hands here and all expressed so seemingly without effort, nothing strained
"With harmonic order I'll escape 'cross that border" Cannot say enough good about this poem. Wish I could have written this. Well done! Jadon
-
Aint that ever the truth. I love this form and you do it so well and with such ease. Best of luck in your future endeavors and this challenge.
Sincerely,
Leo Long
-
True we as poets we should bond, and encourage one another... this was well written, look like it took sometime to write, maybe it didn't. Thanks for entering never-the-less...
-
Promise...sing
A desire for friendship that espies a true kinship
would be first on that list of needs,
./.
While seeking redemption but wanting exemption
from the laws that put passions in freeze.
./.
with a flair to refashion, distributive passion
and to share of this wealth once again ...
Promises, promises !
First take your own advice and then you should rewrite Gilbert & Sullivan, Joy
Adding your comment:
1 - 40 of 40
